Bad Kitty
by Rainfox88
Summary: Karma is such a funny thing. Wesker is minding his own evil business when he gets turned into a cat! Now it is a race against time, and he must perform 3 good deeds in order to turn back...or stay a cat forever! And nothing helps with William and STARS...
1. Chapter 1: Karma

**Bad Kitty**

**Chapter 1: Karma**

**Disclaimer:** Again, I don't own Resident Evil! But it would be awesome if I did! XD

It had been a long night below the streets of Raccoon City. Files were strewed about, and cold coffee in mugs were here and there in a mess that was a laboratory. The fluorescent lights could cause a headache if one was to constantly watch their flickering lights. The massive underground facility was unknown to the population of Raccoon City, save for a certain company, and a few greedy businessmen. Umbrella owned Raccoon City down to its every last rock.

Albert Wesker was glaring at his computer screen. The experiment was just not coming out correctly, even though he had spent all night trying to figure its formula. Of course, it didn't help that his lab partner was disturbing him every second as it passed. He turned slightly in his chair to look over to William Birkin.

William was easily entertained, but he was also way too intelligent for his own damn good. Even though, at times, he acted like the total opposite of a genius. Right now the handsome genius was humming a song while mixing some chemicals in vials. William was also entirely too happy. Wesker would have long ago strangled most men, but William was different. To this day, the strange friendship and partnership of the two of them still managed to annoy, confuse, and even calm Wesker.

"Will, shut up."

"What? Why?"

"You have been humming _Mary had a Little Lamb _for two hours straight."

William looked confused. "Really? Wow, how annoying!"

Wesker heaved a sigh. He turned back to the computer. He figured the best thing to do about the formula was to start back from scratch. Apparently, he got something wrong along the line, which annoyed Wesker. He was hardly ever wrong.

William started humming _It's a Small World After All_. Wesker felt his eye twitch behind his dark sunglasses. He spun his chair around, clearing his throat as loud as he could. William was quick to stop, snickering softly as he ran the vials over to another table. Wesker checked his watch, and realized it was about time to turn in for the night. He would have to be at the precinct early in the morning.

"Let's go, William," he stated, getting to his feet and hanging his lab coat. William nodded, but was still stuck on his experiment. Wesker had to coax his partner out like a child to get him away from his work.

As they were heading to a main elevator that took them up to the surface, inside the Umbrella Pharmacy, the two walked side by side. They were getting their keys ready as they reached the elevator. All the other scientists and assistants had already retired for the night. Wesker and William were usually the last ones to leave.

"You know, I have been thinking. Do you think that we will ever get what's coming to us?" William asked curiously.

"What do you mean?" Wesker asked, glancing over at him. William hit the button for the surface, and the elevator doors slid shut. They could barely hear the soft elevator music coming from the speaker above.

"You know, karma."

"William, will you stop with your karma superstition? There is no such thing as karma," Wesker heaved.

"Oh yes there is! One of these days we will be cursed or be smote or even arrested for the things that we do!"

"I'm going to smite you in just a minute if you don't shut up," Wesker growled.

"Alright, alright, geez…I was just wondering."

"We have been doing the same thing for many years, Will. If some sort of force was going to get us back, I'm sure it would have already happened by now."

"Yeah, you're right," Will sighed. His eyes then widened, and he was grinning again. "Oh, man did I tell you about that George Myler guy?"

"I don't think you have," Wesker stated, slightly smirking.

The elevator dinged, and the doors flew open to the basement of the Umbrella Pharmacy. The two men had all the keys, seeing as no one was even at the Pharmacy this late. They left the building, locking it up behind them and making sure that the security was up and running.

"He got stuck working with the dogs. Annette told me he made a mistake, and the dogs attacked him. She said they ripped him completely apart! What a dumb-ass!" William cackled.

"Indeed, he was," Wesker chuckled.

"I'm sure you can only imagine what Spencer had to say," Will added.

"I'm sure I can. See you tomorrow, William," Wesker answered, hitting the button to unlock his black BMW sport sedan. The lights flashed at him. William did the same with his silver Lexus.

"Yeah, have fun at the precinct tomorrow!"

Wesker sped off in his car, heading for home. The powerful engine of the car rumbled quietly under the hood. While driving towards his house in the high dollar suburban area, Wesker couldn't help but to think about William's words. He had to roll his eyes, smiling a little at his partner's absurd fallacy.

"Karma," Wesker chuckled to himself, slightly shaking his head. "I don't know about you sometimes, William."

He parked the BMW in front of his garage once he got home. He gathered his keys, briefcase, and handgun and entered his house. By this time, he was laughing at William's karma talk. Wesker couldn't even remember all the bad things he had done during his life. If karma truly did exist, surely he would have received some of it by now? William was no different, and neither were anyone else who worked for Umbrella…Wesker was just a little worse…

"Hey man, what's up?"

The sudden voice made him jump. He spun around, aiming his gun. A young man sat on Wesker's couch, legs crossed and arms spread out to line the top of the furniture. There was something extremely wrong with this scenario. Wesker recognized the man as his old mentor James Marcus when he was much younger. The neck length brown hair, the weird white robe he wore for a lot of his pictures, the face, it was all right on the dot.

If that wasn't bad enough, the Marcus man was faint and misty, and Wesker could barely see through him to the couch. Wesker couldn't believe his eyes. He cocked the gun, but was trying to prevent himself from firing the weapon. He was either dreaming or seriously drugged up somehow.

_William, dammit. I told you to never drug my coffee again!_

"Whoa! You don't need to aim that thing at me! I'm a friendly ghost!"

_Ghost?! Alright, now I'm seriously fucked up_, Wesker growled in his head.

"I'm here to punish you," the young Marcus ghost said, smiling.

"Punish me? How is that friendly? Wait a minute…Dr. Marcus?"

The ghost blinked. "Who is Dr. Marcus? My name is Francis Francy! And I am here to deliver your punishment."

Wesker took a second to absorb this. Somehow he couldn't handle that a punisher's name should be Francis Francy. He sighed, and shook his head, not quavering his gun.

"Then why do you look like his younger self?" Wesker growled.

"Who knows. I'm just here for your punishment," sighed the ghost. Francis Francy got to his feet, taking a step towards Wesker.

"What do you mean by 'punishment'?"

Francis held up his hand, slightly smiling. "Punishment. Noun. The penalty for doing something wrong. Or two, the act of punishing."

"This is some sort of dream. William really did put drugs in my coffee again," Wesker heaved, trying to shake his head to wake up from this weird dream. "This is what I get for having to listen to all of his karma crap."

Francis Francy chuckled. "Karma? I love karma! What goes around comes around is what they always say, ya know?"

"Shut up," Wesker growled.

"Fine, but I need to give you your punishment," the young Marcus look-alike ghost sighed.

Before Wesker could do anything to defend himself, he suddenly felt hot pain strike his forehead. He was blinded by the white light that came from the weird ghost guy. As quickly as it hit the S.T.A.R.S captain, it was quickly gone in a flash, and Wesker crumbled to the floor.

"I'm gonna have so much fun with this," Francis Francy giggled, his words very faint to Wesker's ears.

* * *

**There's the first chapter! I'm hoping everyone is going to love this story, because I am definitely going to enjoy writing it! XD For those who read Dark Evenings, you may notice a few familiar things, like William's nature, their cars, Wesker's schedule, etc. This story shouldn't be drastically long. In fact, I'm thinking it isn't going to be no more than 15 chapters. That's what I'm thinking anyway. Lol! Thank you for reading and reviewing, and I hope all of you enjoy!!!!! :D**


	2. Chapter 2: I'm a Freaking Cat!

**Chapter 2: I'm a Freaking Cat!**

The world was spinning, and Wesker slowly started to wake up. He dreamed of karma, a creepy ghost named Francis Francy that looked like young Marcus, and he dreamed of mice and bright colored jingly balls.

Groaning, he opened his eyes. He was on the hardwood floor of his living room. He blinked, trying to wake himself up. His head was pounding with a violent headache. He saw his sunglasses on the floor a few inches from him. He also noticed his clothes scattered about. Those must have been some potent drugs William sneaked into his coffee.

_Ugh, my head. I'm gonna kick his ass for doing that. He won't find it too funny then_, Wesker thought venomously.

He decided to take it slow. He got onto his knees and hands to help pull himself up, but then he noticed something peculiar.

_I feel weird…wait a minute…my sunglasses aren't that big…and neither are my pants…what the-_

He looked down, and saw paws and fur. He yelled out in panic, racing for the nearest mirror while clumsily tripping over four paws and a tail. He slipped on the hardwood floor, and he slid all the way to the front of the mirror. He was absolutely horrified.

"I'm a freaking cat!" Wesker yelled.

The mirror showed a short haired black cat with blue-grey eyes. His right front paw was white, but other than that, he was all black. Wesker immediately felt nauseous. He knew he had to have been dreaming still.

Just to make sure, he moved his body around. The black cat in the mirror copied his exact move. Wesker groaned out loud. He turned away from the mirror, looking down onto his paws.

"Okay, okay…calm down. It's just a disturbing dream. I shouldn't be stressing myself like this. It's not like me," he sighed, catching his breath to calm down.

Once he was cooled off, he faced the mirror again. The black cat with the one white paw still stared back at him, whiskers and all. He slowly moved his body around to get a better look. He definitely looked and felt real. He either was having a nightmare induced by whacked-out drugs, or he really just got punk'd by karma.

"I cannot go to work like this. Hmm, surely Barry will take over while I'm gone. I need to figure out how to wake myself up."

The black cat got to his paws and walked over to the pile of clothes. Wesker was careful at placing his legs, feeling awkward at first. He stepped over his sunglasses and went to his cell phone. The phone laid next to his handgun, and Wesker started to think that this dream was getting realer by the minute.

He pawed at the phone, making it slide along the hardwood floor. "This is going to be hard without thumbs."

He sat down on his haunches, staring down at the silent cell phone and trying to think. His best bet would be to call William. The thing was, if he was a cat, then how would William understand him? Wesker could just use a voiceless call to get William to come over to investigate.

"Are you having problems?"

Wesker leaped in the air, yowling like a surprised cat would do. He did a 180 degree turn, claws coming out and he spat a hiss. He saw legs and a white robe. Wesker glared up at the ghost man, cat eyes narrowing sharply.

"You!"

"Yes, it is I! What's wrong? You don't like your new form?" Francis Francy asked, grinning.

"I'm a freaking cat! What do you think?!"

"What's wrong with cats? I like cats."

"I hate cats," Wesker growled, sitting down. "Is this my punishment?"

"Yes, it is. You are a very smart man!"

"Why?"

"Why what, kitty?"

"Do not call me kitty again," Wesker retorted, icy venom returning to his voice.

"Alright, sheesh. You need to be taught a lesson. So, I turned you into a cat."

"Why a cat?" Wesker snorted, his tail lashing on its own.

Francis Francy shrugged his shoulders, still smiling. "I don't know. I just like cats, I guess. But, you understand, right? Punishment and karma?"

"Whatever, just turn me back."

The young Marcus look-alike ghost blinked down at him. He put a hand on his hip. "What? No way! You need to be taught your lesson first! Bad people need to come to justice for their actions. You are one of the worst…so bad, that you are permanently on Santa's bad list."

The black cat rolled his eyes. "And my horrible punishment for all the crimes I have done in my life is turning me into a cat?"

"Yes, it is."

This was making perfect sense…not. Wesker now felt that he needed to wake up now, before things got even more stupid. It was bad enough he was a cat, but to be surrounded by an entirely too amused punisher ghost named Francis Francy was a whole other story.

"Oh, by the way kit-I mean Wesker, this isn't a dream. You really are a freaking cat," Francis Francy chuckled.

Wesker decided to humor him. There was nothing else it could have been. This could not be real. The black cat purred in laughter, looking up to the strange ghost. Wesker wasn't used to being so small.

"Oh yeah? Alright, then. How do I get turned back?"

"That is a very good question!" the ghost man laughed. "Well, I guess I can tell you. In order to be turned back to normal, you must perform three good deeds by the next full moon."

"Three good deeds?" Wesker snorted. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Fine, stay a cat forever."

"Alright then, what about the full moon?"

Francis Francy sighed. "If you do not do three good deeds by the next full moon, then you will forever remain as a cat. Sorry about that, but it's the rules."

Wesker closed his eyes for a moment, thinking. This had to have been the craziest dream he had ever had. Once he woke up, he definitely needed to find William to kick his ass.

"Good luck!"

"You are wishing me good luck, and yet you are the one punishing me?" Wesker asked, annoyed.

"Yep! Here, I will even be as nice as to call William for you."

Even though Wesker could slightly see through the ghost's body, the Marcus look-alike picked up the cell phone as solid as a flesh body would. Wesker had to slightly crane his cat head up just to watch him.

"Oh, by the way…while you are in your cat form, you may notice yourself starting to act like a cat. You know, like have the urge to chase mice or something like that. Get it?"

"Yes, I get it," Wesker grumbled, his tail lashing again.

"Oh, it's ringing, here ya go!"

The ghost placed the open cell phone on the floor. Wesker could hear it ringing, which meant it was on speaker phone. William answered the cell phone on the other side.

"Well, go on! Say hello!" Francis Francy urged.

"Hello? Hellllloooooo? Albert, this isn't funny!"

"William!"

"Yes?"

Wesker was surprised. William could understand him even though he was a cat. Then Wesker remembered this was a dream, and anything can happen in dreams. Sighing, he figured he should keep it simple.

"William, I need for you to come over as soon as possible."

"What is it?"

"It's…complicated. Just hurry it up, will you?"

"Alright, I'm on my way! Hang in there, buddy!"

William hung up and the line went silent. Wesker could only drop his head. William now was in rescue mode. He would be here shortly. From there, Wesker didn't know what he was going to do. Really, he just needed to find some way to wake up from this horrible dream.

"So, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I'm like totally going to leave now. I will find you later to see how you are progressing," Francis stated.

"Fine, whatever. You give me a headache anyway."

Wesker got to his paws. He decided to explore his house as a cat, hoping along the way he could find something to wake himself up. The Marcus look-alike ghost just watched him go, grinning evilly.

It didn't take long for Wesker to get used to walking on his four paws. His house seemed new and bigger in this form, and he felt himself growing oddly adventurous. He could even feel the tip of his tail twitching excitedly.

"For a dream, this is pretty amusing. It does feel so real. I will definitely need to get William back, however."

"Hey, kitty-cat! I told you it's not a dream!"

"I thought you said you were leaving? And what did I say about calling me kitty?! My name is-"

"Whisker, I know….ooohhh, sorry I mean Wesker, hehehe," the ghost laughed nervously. He was now leaning over on the island counter in the kitchen, where Wesker was currently exploring.

"Why should I listen to you? You are only a part of this ridiculous dream," Wesker growled, glaring up at the ghost man. It was so weird being so small, but the senses were amazing. Wesker could smell things and hear things he couldn't normally in his true body.

"Alright, do I have to prove to you that it is real?" heaved Francis Francy.

Wesker didn't have a chance to answer. The ghost bent to his knees. The cat went to move, but Francis caught him and pinched the skin hard below the black fur.

"Unhand me!"

"You see? I pinched you, and you have yet to wake up. This is real my kitty man." Francis Francy stood back to his feet, his ghostly form walking towards the living room. Wesker heard a car pull into his driveway, and knew it was William.

"Your buddy is here! Ooh, I should go hide and then I will pop out with a surprise!" Francis laughed, and ran down Wesker's dark hallway like an excited child.

Wesker rolled his cat eyes, and pelted for the living room. William entered through the front door, looking around cautiously.

"Wesker?"

He saw Wesker's clothes on the floor, and William's eyes widened. He must have been freaked, because he grabbed the nearest lamp, tearing the cord from the wall. Wesker could have smacked himself in the forehead if he didn't have paws. His handgun was on the floor, yet his genius of a partner went for the lamp.

"Albert! I'm here! Are you decent?! I don't want to see you naked! Did you get kidnapped?"

Before Wesker could say anything, William noticed the black cat coming out of hiding and padding up to him. William immediately smiled, bending down to get a closer look at kitty Wesker.

"Aw! How cute! I didn't know Wesker had a cat…really I thought he hated them. Oh, wait. I'm getting distracted. I must find him. Sorry, kitty! You will have to wait!"

"William, you idiot! It's me!" Wesker spat.

Again, William's eyes widened, and he yelped out loud. Wesker suddenly realized he should have handled that better. He had to quickly leap out of the way as the lamp came flying for him. It crashed to the hardwood floor, going everywhere.

Wesker felt his fur fluff straight out as William quickly came at him again with a broom that came out of nowhere. He dodged a swipe here, and a slap there while William was yelling out in tongues.

"Demon cat! Demon cat!"

"William! Wait! It's me! Wesker! Stop this at once!"

William ceased his broom attack. He peered down at the black cat suspiciously. Wesker had to take a minute to catch his breath. Still, he remained guarded with his broom wielding friend.

"Wesker?"

"Yes, it's me," sighed Wesker.

"You're a freaking cat!" Will exclaimed.

"I know!"

"Wow, this is a weird dream. Well, Annette did tell me to stop drinking so much chocolate milk before going to sleep. I guess this is what I get."

Wesker's ears bent back in agitation. "I'm the one dreaming! Not you! This is your fault! You drugged my coffee again!"

"I did not! I haven't done that since Halloween!"

Before they could argue further, Wesker's punisher came out from hiding. He walked right through the couch to come over to them, in which William freaked out again.

"Relax! I'm the cool punisher ghost guy!"

"Oh, okay…wait, what?"

"The name's Francis Francy! I turned your friend here into a cat!"

"Dr. Marcus? Is that you?! Weren't you old when we killed you?" William asked, scratching his head.

The Marcus look-alike glared at William, huffing almost like a snobby woman. "I said my name is Francis Francy! I am not this Marcus guy you speak of!" With that the ghost folded his arms, and glowered.

"Why a cat?"

"Because I felt like it!" Francis grumbled.

"Oh, wait a minute! I get it!" laughed William.

"What?" Wesker and Francis asked in unison.

"I must have totally smoked a fat one before going to bed and this is the result. Man, I should listen to my wife more. This is a crazy ass dream," William sighed.

Francis Francy smacked himself in the forehead, glaring at the two of them. "For the last time, this isn't a dream! Listen here! He has to do three good deeds by the next full moon or he is going to stay a cat forever! Understand?"

"Like that story I read one time?" William asked.

Francis took a deep breath. "This is punishment for doing so many bad things. In order to turn back, he must do some good."

"Oh, karma? I totally told him about that and he didn't listen," William laughed.

"You are next if you don't shut up and listen," heaved the Marcus ghost.

"Sorry."

"It would probably be best if he stays at your house while he is in cat form. You need to keep him focused, otherwise he just might lose himself and become a real cat."

"Hey, I'm right here, you know," Wesker growled.

"So, you need for me to watch over him and make sure he doesn't go to the wild side? Sounds easy! But, you never answered me. Why did you turn him into a cat?"

Francis Francy got a little more annoyed. "Because I felt like turning him into a cat! How many times do I have to repeat myself to you people?"

"A dog would have been cooler…or a parrot…ooh, or even a platypus!"

"A platypus?" Francis Francy inquired, perking up and smiling. "Aw, I love platypuses! I wish I would of thought of that!"

"Alright, shut up William! Don't give him anymore crazy ideas!" Wesker snapped, tail lashing. "I'm surrounded by idiots."

"Oh, sorry."

"Well, I'm really going to leave now," the ghost man said, slightly shaking his head. "Wesker, good luck. I will pop up here and there to see how you are doing. Tootles!"

With that, the Marcus look-alike vanished in midair. William was dazzled, and looked all over for the ghost. "Wow, that's awesome!"

Wesker got to his paws, again walking over to the mirror. It seemed as though this wasn't a dream after all. The black cat stared back at him, and Wesker sighed. He had to do three good deeds in order to turn back. Worse yet, he was on a time limit. His intelligent brain was already working. Would there be a way to cheat on the good deeds?

"You are such a cute cat! Sherry is gonna love you!"

Wesker looked over his furry shoulder to glare up at his partner. "Will, I am not going to be anyone's pet! We need to hurry and accomplish three good deeds! Now come on! I cannot drive in this form, so you are going to have to be my chauffer!"

"Chauffer? For a cat? I don't even own a cat carrier!" William replied, startled.

"I'm not a real cat, you moron! Let's go!"

"Don't call me a moron! My IQ is-"

"Will!

"Oh, right! Yeah," William laughed, getting his keys ready.

Wesker felt as if this was going to be much more difficult than intended. The three good deeds were one thing, but being trapped inside a cat's body with a creepy ghost following him around was not pleasant for Wesker. Even William was jumping the gun by acting like he was bringing home a new pet. Wesker closed his eyes. He didn't know if cats could get headaches. If not, he was the absolute first.

* * *

**Ta-dah! Poor Wesker, getting turned into a cat! How horrible! :3 Don't worry, it will get better! William is an important character in this story, as are our favorite STARS members! Yay! Please review and let me know how you all are liking it! XD**


	3. Chapter 3: Hairballs and Jingly Balls

**Chapter 3: Hairballs and Jingly Balls**

"Home sweet home, my furry friend!"

Wesker looked around the large living room of William and Annette's house. He had been here plenty of times before, but again, in this form he found the new view to be interesting. Again, he felt that spur in his paws to go exploring, and he had to stop himself. It seemed as though the cat was trying to take over faster than he thought it would.

Wesker glanced up at his partner, saw William grinning while stroking his chin. He was thinking, and Wesker didn't like it one bit. Finally, Will bent down next to the black cat. Wesker tried to evade the touch, but William was still able to pat him on the head.

"Why don't you go explore? Annette is home. I need to run to the store for some…ah…groceries…yeah."

"Not until you tell Annette what is going on," Wesker retorted, flicking his tail and moving away from William's hand.

"Why don't you tell her?"

"Because the last time I talked I had a lamp thrown at me!"

"Oh, sorry. Alright, I better go tell her then."

William got up and walked away, heading for the kitchen and calling for his loving wife. Wesker rolled his eyes, and decided to move deeper into the living room. He was careful to keep an eye out for Sherry. The young girl absolutely adored cats, and Wesker wasn't about to be strangled by her gleefulness.

Wesker jumped onto one of the couches, slipping slightly. He was going to have to get used to this cat body quickly. It was hard enough walking on all fours, but now he had a tail that acted on its own and there were senses he didn't understand.

"William! What the hell?!" Annette grumbled. Wesker saw William dragging her by the arm into the living room. Mrs. Birkin was in normal clothes, and that was when Wesker remembered she was off today.

"See! There he is! It's Wesker!" William exclaimed, pointing to the black cat with one white paw that was sitting on their couch.

"Will, honey, you have gone absolutely insane," Annette sighed, shaking her head pitifully.

"No, I haven't! Wesker, talk!"

Wesker was about to say something, and then closed his mouth. He purred in delight. It wouldn't hurt to let William look like a nutcase for just a minute or two. The black cat remained silent, staring up at the humans. William gave a confused look while Annette glared at him.

"If you are done, I'd like that cat out of our house."

"But Anne! He really is Wesker! He got turned into a cat by a crazy ghost guy named Francis Francy that looked exactly like Dr. Marcus when he was young!" William argued, following Annette completely into the living room.

Wesker chuckled to himself. Those words just made William sound even more crazy, and the look on Annette's face proved it. When William realized what he had just said, he smacked himself in the forehead. He had to take a moment to calm down.

"I know it sounds crazy, but it's true, babe!"

Annette started to pet Wesker. Wesker tried to draw away, but soon found her hands soothing upon his fur. He started purring against his will.

_Dammit, why does this feel so good? Stupid cat form._

"Okay, well, even if Wesker got turned into a cat. He wouldn't turn into such a cute cat anyway."

"Excuse me?" Wesker growled.

William had just enough time to yell, "Ah-hah!"

Annette screamed, and Wesker felt himself be thrown through the air. His body acted on its own, and he flipped himself where he landed on his feet on the carpet. He didn't have time to linger in his victorious landing, because Annette was coming after him again.

Wesker leaped high, fur puffing out wildly. He ran for it, tripping over his own paws in an attempt to get away from her. William caught his wife, yelling an explanation that Wesker wasn't listening to. Finally, Annette was able to listen to William and calm down. She huffed and puffed like a crazed bull, glaring down at Wesker, who hid behind the coffee table.

_She's freaking nuts!_

Slowly, Wesker came out of hiding. He glared up at his human friends and coworkers. Annette now seemed curious, and William was able to let her go without fear of a berserk mode.

"Are you trying to kill me?!" Wesker growled.

"Yep, I know that voice. Definitely Wesker," sighed Anne.

"Yes, it is me! Who else would it be?"

"I don't know…maybe a real cat," Annette retorted with a glare.

"Alright, alright! Calm down, you two! See, honey? I'm not crazy!"

"Maybe I'm the one who is crazy," his wife sighed. "I must be dreaming."

"Trust me," Wesker snorted. "If there is anyone dreaming, then it's me."

"Okay, well, I'm going to run to the store real quick. Can you two get along without me while I am gone?"

"She's the one who threw me," Wesker growled, tail lashing. His fur still wasn't completely down.

"How else am I supposed to act towards a talking cat?"

"You two are so funny," Will laughed hesitantly. "Anne, could you please call in and tell them I won't be there today? I better stay home to help Wesker."

"I will. Just get going so you can get back."

"Alrighty!" William laughed, and was out the door in seconds.

Silence filled the living room as human Annette stared down at cat Wesker. Wesker heard William's car start up and pull out of the driveway. He let out a sigh, finally calm from the crazy outburst just moments ago.

"Where's Sherry?" Wesker asked.

"At school. She will be home later," Annette answered, then turned and went back into the kitchen.

"Great," Wesker muttered under his breath.

***

Wesker decided to explore William's house in his cat form. Annette was trying to ignore him as she prepared a cake to bake. William and Annette's room was blocked by the door, and Wesker couldn't turn the knob in his cat form. He was horrified upon entering Sherry's room, and quickly ran out. There were bright colors and stuffed animals everywhere. He was getting much better at walking, and even jumping he was getting a hang at. He easily leaped onto the counter where Annette was making her cake.

"Hey! Get down! I don't want any cat hair in this!"

"Why are you making a cake?"

Annette sighed. "It's for one of Sherry's friends. It's her birthday, and I offered to make a cake."

Birthday parties. Wesker jumped down, trying not to gag. He decided to pad over to the next counter, and he jumped up there. Next to the counter was a glass frame that held Annette's expensive china. Wesker peered at it curiously.

_Women and china…_

"Don't you even think about it," Annette growled behind him. "If you are going to stay here as a cat, you need to stay away from breakable things. And no getting on the furniture either. There's nothing more annoying than cat hair."

Wesker looked over his shoulder at her. "Do you want me to swallow my hairballs as well?" His tone was full of snide.

Annette glared at him even harder, still mixing the cake. "Yes. And no clawing or scratching the furniture either."

Wesker rolled his eyes again, getting to his paws. He could hear William's car pull into the driveway. Relieved, Wesker jumped down onto the floor and fled into the living room. His partner was entering with some bags that had _PetSmart _printed on them. Wesker immediately felt his face drain, though his fur hid the paling.

"William, you better not have-"

"Look! I got you some toys!"

Dumping the bags, lots of jingly balls came flying out. They rolled along the carpet. Even a few fake mice dropped to the floor. Annette entered the living room to witness the horror as well. Wesker felt his eyes twitching.

"I also got you a scratching post, and some bowls. Ooh! I also got you a collar with a bell on it!"

"William."

"I also got some catnip. But that is for special occasions. Oh, and some cat treats too."

"William."

"I got a litter box. You will need to go to the bathroom eventually. They had a sale, and the litter came for free! Oh, and some good smelling cat food."

"WILLIAM!!!!!!"

William paused, blinking. He stared down at the furious looking cat. Annette could be heard laughing near the kitchen as she watched. Wesker noticed his ears were pinned and his tail was thrashing wildly.

"I am not a real cat!"

"I know, but-"

"Then why did you buy all of this?" Wesker growled.

William shrugged. "I thought you would need it."

"Need it? All I need to do is accomplish three good deeds so I can return to my normal body!"

"I think you need to calm down," Annette stated, coming over to her husband's side.

"Calm down?" Wesker grumbled, fur bristling. "I am a cat!"

"Well then, here." Annette picked up one of the jingly balls, a bright pink one and tossed it.

Wesker couldn't control himself. He bolted after it, chasing it down and catching it. Annette and William watched as Wesker pawed the ball around excitedly.

"Aw, he's so cute. Come on, Will. I will help you carry the other bags in," Annette said, smiling at her husband.

"Alright," William sighed. "I hope Wesker isn't too mad."

"Look at him! He's fine. He always has to be grumpy."

"Yeah, you're right!"

* * *

**Oh geez...this isn't looking too good for our furry little Wesker!!! 0.0 William is a nut, lol! Anyways, yes the reason I made this rated T is because of language and minor situations, lol...all humorous of course!!!! As for Francis Francy...his strange, crazy, funny appearance is all a part of the story and its importance will come later! Thanks for reading!! XD**


	4. Chapter 4: Curses

**Chapter 4: Curses**

_Damn this accursed cat form!_

Wesker was tempted by all the things William brought home. There were so many jingly balls on the floor that William kept slipping on them and crashing into furniture. Wesker sat on the window seal, looking out to watch as morning slowly turned to noon. His stomach was growling in complaint, and Wesker had to dig his claws into the wood to keep himself from going towards the bowl of cat food.

"I have to get out of here!" he yelled, glaring over at his partner, who was flipping through some documents on the couch.

"Why?" William asked, yawning as he flipped in boredom.

"Why? To do the three good deeds of course!"

"Oh, right…sorry. So, what kind of deeds are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Wesker grumbled, slightly crouching. He then got an idea. "Oh, how about you pretend to need help and then I will help you. That should be considered a good deed."

William crossed one of his legs, leaning back on the couch. "Hmm, sounds good only…how can you help me when you are only a couple pounds of fur?"

"You do have a point. If Francis…whatever wants me to succeed at these deeds, then he should have changed me into something better than a cat."

"Yeah, 'cause cats just want to do as they please. They don't want to do any good deeds," William laughed. He received a hard glare from his partner. "Just joking hehe…"

"This is all your fault, William," Wesker growled, jumping down from the window seal to walk over to the couch.

"My fault?! How is this my fault?!"

"You and your stupid talk about karma! You jinxed me, you fool!"

William sat up so he could glare down at his kitty formed friend. "Hey, you better watch it, mister! You see the size difference between us?…Don't make me take away your toys."

"That's just the point!" Wesker argued. "You are supposed to help me suppress the feline instincts, not help them along!" He pointed his paw at the multiple jingly paws and toy mice.

"Well, yeah…I did kind of go over board I guess."

"You guess?!"

"William, stop arguing with our cat. It isn't healthy," Annette stated as she carried a basket of laundry towards the laundry room, having to pass through the living room in the process.

"You aren't helping!" Wesker yelled at her. He then paused, his eyes growing slightly larger. "Oh, no! I have to go to the bathroom!"

William's face lit up. "Yes! I have been waiting for this moment!"

Before Wesker could escape, William scooped him up in his arms and carried him down the hallway into the large bathroom. To the side was the litter box, full of fresh litter and ready to go. William sat the black cat down in front of it.

"There ya go!"

"I am not going in that thing!"

"Well, where else are you going to go? You can't use the toilet like that!" William snorted in laughter at the thought. "Cat peeing on the pot…how funny."

"Will, I'm serious! I will hold it if I have to!"

"Then we better get started on those good deeds," Will snickered, and left the bathroom.

Wesker sat down, staring at the litter box. His bladder was aching to go, but he was not going to subject himself to such humiliation. He turned towards the toilet, which towered over his small, furry frame.

"Forget the box. I can do this!"

He jumped onto the toilet's rim, careful not to slip and fall into the bowl of water. He peered inside. The toilet was clean, but just the thought made Wesker shudder. He turned towards the lever. The small tab looked easy to pull down in order to get the commode to flush.

"Hmm, maybe I should make sure that I can flush it," he said to himself.

He stood up onto his hind paws, easily reaching the lever. Using his front paws, Wesker pulled it down. He was successful, and the toilet started to flush. Wesker laughed in victory. Now all he needed to do was-

His left hind paw slipped on the lid. In a split second he fell into the bowl full of water. Down the hallway, Annette and William could hear the eruption of cat yowls coming from the bathroom, along with the flushing of the toilet. William ran into the bathroom, and busted out in laughter. He laughed so hard, he fell onto the ground, holding his stomach.

Wesker had just clawed his way out of the toilet onto the floor, soaked from head to tail. The black cat looked pitiful, and he glared at his partner who was still laughing insanely.

"Oh man! I'm gonna die of laughter! I can't stop!

"William! This isn't funny!"

"Yes it is!"

Annette came flying into the bathroom, wanting to see what the hell was going on. One look at Wesker's pitiful soaked form, and she too started to laugh uncontrollably. Wesker could only stand there and drip water all over the floor while trying not to gag.

"You are going to have to give me a bath now," Wesker ordered.

"A bath?" William asked, having trouble catching his breath. "Cats clean themselves by licking, ya know? Grooming."

He grinned at Annette, and the two started cracking up again. They started to crawl to their feet, helping each other up. Wesker glared up at them.

"You two are enjoying this entirely too much," he growled.

"Did you manage to go to the bathroom while you were up there?" Will asked curiously, pointing to the toilet.

Wesker looked away. "M-more or less…but that isn't important. Now are you going to give me a bath?"

William heaved a sigh, still smiling. "You are the worst cat ever."

***

Hours after the toilet ordeal, Wesker had recovered enough to have an appetite. He went to the cat bowl, where the dry cat food waited for him. He sat down in front of it, sighing.

"I'm not eating this."

"Well, you can't be picky," Annette sighed, dusting some of the shelves beside him.

"Well, I think I can," Wesker grumbled. "Just fetch me some real food."

"It might not be good for your little cat stomach," Annette retorted, not looking at him while she continued to clean.

"Argh, for the last time, I'm not a real cat!"

She moved away. Just as Wesker turned back towards the cat bowl, William was there with a small bowl of milk. Wesker jumped slightly, but settled as William placed the milk down. He was smiling again.

"Here you go! Nice warm milk!"

"That's disgusting."

"What? We always used to give our cats warm milk when I was growing up," William stated, slightly shaking his head in disbelief.

Annette heaved a sigh, leaving the men for another room. William watched her go. When Annette was far enough away, he turned back to face the black cat.

"If you don't want disgusting, don't try breast milk. Once, back when Annette was breast-feeding Sherry, I mistook her bottle as my own glass of milk I got for some pie, it was missing the nipple you see, and whoa was it nasty! It was an accident of course…"

Wesker stared at him. "Are you done? That's really disgusting. How about you get me some real food."

"You don't have to be so bossy!"

William stood up and went into the kitchen. Wesker left the bowl of cat food, padding towards the window seal. He jumped back onto it, so he could look outside some more and ponder about what he was going to do. However, as he landed on the seal, he accidentally knocked over one of Annette's glass figurines. It fell to the floor, crashing upon impact with glass shooting everywhere.

He could hear Annette's pounding footsteps of doom heading his way. Wesker leaped down from the window, running for a place to hide. He could already hear Annette yelling something, but he wasn't intending to stay and listen. He dove under the couch, sliding his furry body into complete hiding.

"Wesker! What did I tell you about jumping up on stuff?!"

_Boy is she nuts. I wonder if she is PMSing…_

"Oh honey, it's okay. I'm sure it was an accident," William could be heard.

_I really need to get out of here…out of this body._

Annette could be heard grumbling something. Wesker cautiously slid out from under the couch. William was smiling sheepishly while sweeping the mess up. Annette was rubbing her temples, and she started down the hallway towards their bedroom. William glared down at the black cat with a single white paw.

"Geez, be careful next time! Do you want us both to be castrated?" William whispered harshly.

"I would prefer not to," Wesker sighed, sitting on his haunches and flicking his tail.

"Good because it's an easy trip to the vet for you," William sighed, taking the dustpan to the kitchen.

Wesker rolled his eyes. Unintentionally, he started to groom his paw, but forced himself to stop. He cursed the cat body once more. Seeing one of the toy mice nearby, Wesker looked around to make sure no one was watching. He pawed at it, flinging it around on the floor.

The front door came flying open suddenly. Wesker spun around, and his eyes widened in horror. "Mom, Dad! I'm home!" Sherry exclaimed, smiling brightly and unslinging her school backpack from her shoulder.

Her eyes landed on Wesker. _Oh shit!_

"KITTY!!!!!"

The young girl raced for him. Wesker leaped several feet in the air, claws coming out and fur puffing crazily. He took off in a retreat, trying to find William or some kind of shelter. He saw William first. He ran straight for his partner, Sherry closing in with squeals of delight behind him. He jumped right onto William's leg, digging claws into clothing and skin. He climbed up William's leg and chest onto his shoulder.

"Ouch! Ouch! Hey watch it!"

"Daddy! Why didn't you tell me we were going to get a cat?!" Sherry asked excitedly, trying to snatch Wesker even though her father was too tall for her.

"Well, uh, sweetie…it was just sudden," he answered, smiling down at her.

"Can I play with him? PLEASE?!"

William laughed. "Of course you can!"

"What?!" Wesker barked, but it was too late. William tore the black cat off of his shoulder and handed him over to Sherry.

Wesker felt himself being crushed as Sherry laughed gleefully. "What's his name?"

"Wesker," William answered absently, distracted by the papers he was holding.

"Like Uncle Albert? How funny!" Sherry giggled.

"I know, right?" William laughed.

Wesker wasn't finding the humor in this. Sherry was squealing in delight as she carried him off. As soon as the cat realized she was heading for the horrible room of bright colors and plush toys, Wesker freaked.

"Put me down!"

"Wow, a talking cat!"

"Sherry, put Uncle Albert down now!" Wesker growled, trying not to unsheathe the claws.

"Uncle Albert?!" Sherry gasped, suddenly dropping the cat.

Wesker flopped onto the hardwood floor. Cursing silently, he got onto his paws, shaking the stress from his fur. He glared up at the little girl, where she stared down at him in horror and awe.

Wesker heaved a sigh. "Thank-"

"MOMMY! UNCLE ALBERT IS A CAT!"

Wesker cringed, hearing his eardrums burst upon Sherry's yelling voice. The black cat moved his paws to cover his ears for a moment. He glared up at William and Annette's daughter.

"I know, honey. Just ignore him," came Annette's voice from the bathroom.

"You better listen to your mother," Wesker grumbled, and turned and ran back for the living room.

"So, buddy! I was thinking maybe we could go to the nursing home! All those lovely old people would love to come and pet you and group together! I mean, that's a good deed in itself! Maybe Francis Francy pants will change you back!" William explained as Wesker came over to the couch.

Wesker jumped onto the coffee table, glaring at his friend and partner with his sharp cat eyes. "Will, who is the evil genius?"

William slumped his shoulders, sighing. "You are…"

"Okay then. I think it would be better if we do something else…one that involves less people," the cat said, flicking his tail in thought.

"But! I'm an evil genius too!"

Wesker snorted. "No, you are the evil genius with a heart. I'm the evil genius bastard that…hmm, that sounded better in my head than it did coming out."

"Wait…what?"

"Oh, I know!" Wesker snickered. "Take me to the precinct! My entire S.T.A.R.S unit needs help. Doing a few simple things there will surely get me changed back in no time!"

"The nursing home would be-"

"William!"

"Alright! Okay! Let me get my keys!"

***

William dropped Wesker off at the precinct. Wesker told his partner it would be best if William stayed away for the time being. They didn't need an Umbrella researcher coming into the R.P.D at all. The black cat with a single white paw strolled about, waiting for someone to open the door. He shot through a man's legs to get in, hearing a yell come from the police officer.

Wesker had it easy. Because of the hot day outside, all the doors inside the police station were pretty much being kept open for more cool air from the main unit. Wesker made his way to the staircase that led to the second floor where the S.T.A.R.S office was held. By the time he reached his office, he was dead tired.

"That is a lot of walking for a cat," he panted. He raised his tail in victory though, and padded inside the office.

There were no S.T.A.R.S members in the office. It was completely empty. Wesker looked at the clock. The Alpha team still had an hour and a half left of work before Bravo Team would be coming in to take their place.

"Where the hell are they?" Wesker grumbled, looking around the office. The sight of his desk appalled him. There were huge stacks of papers creating skyscrapers to his view. "Oh God…this is what I get for not coming in this morning…not that I had any control over it."

"Aw! How cute!"

The female voice made him jump. Before Wesker could move, slender arms were picking him up. Wesker realized it was Jill. Jill put him against her chest and started to pet him. Twitching with disgust, Wesker tried to writher from her grasps. However, within seconds the feline instincts kicked in and he started purring.

"How did you get in here?" Jill asked, looking around.

"What is it Jill?" came Chris's voice, carrying a huge stack of papers. Wesker watched as the handsome marksman walked over to the captain's desk and made room for the next stack.

"A cat. Look at him! Isn't he cute?"

Chris came over to see. "How did he get in here?"

"No clue."

"I came through the front door, where else?" Wesker sighed, lifting his chin as Jill stroked him there.

"What the-"

Jill dropped him. Wesker should have known better. At least his two Alpha members didn't try to hurt or kill him like Annette and William did. Jill and Chris stared down in horror at the black cat, frozen in shock.

"D-did that cat just talk? Ah man, too many freaking cartoons," Chris stuttered, slapping himself in the head.

"You heard it too?" Jill gulped.

"Excuse me, but you two can calm down now. It's only me," Wesker snorted.

Chris blinked. "Wait a minute…that voice of awesome coolness…Captain Wesker?"

Wesker sat up, pushing his chest out a little. "Yes, it is I."

"You're a freaking cat!" Chris spat.

"Did Joseph spike our coffee and we just don't know it?" Jill asked, blinking in confusion.

"God, I hope so. This is too damn weird!"

"If you two would shut up, I could explain it to you."

"Hey Chris, Jill…could you two help me-" came a weak voice.

They looked to see Brad walking in with a huge box full of more papers. He smiled sheepishly at them. "There are three more boxes out there."

He then saw Wesker sitting on the floor. His eyes widened in horror, and he screamed really loud. So loud in fact, that the lights flickered. He dropped the box onto the floor. It crushed his toes, but he didn't notice whatsoever.

"Vickers…what the hell is your problem?" Chris growled.

"Black cat! Black cat! We are cursed! We are cursed! Doom is upon us!"

_I wonder if I sent Chickenheart to a psychiatric hospital, if it would count as a good deed._

"Brad, will you knock it off? It's only Wesker."

"C-captain Wesker?"

"Yes," Jill heaved.

"CAPTAIN WESKER IS CURSED AS A BLACK CAT!"

"Brad!" Chris yelled.

"Oh man…I don't feel so good," Brad mumbled. He looked all around for a moment, trying to come up with something. Jill was glaring at him, and so were Chris and Wesker.

"I have t-to go home! The arthritis in my stomach is acting up again! I will see you guys tomorrow!"

Brad was a blur as he sped out of the office, then he was gone. Jill heaved a sigh, shaking her head. Chris turned to her, looking extremely puzzled.

"Arthritis in the stomach?"

"Chris, it's Brad."

"Oh yeah!"

"Excuse me!!" Wesker barked, tail thrashing in agitation.

"Oh, sorry Wesker! So, how did you get turned into a cat anyways?" Chris asked.

"It's a long story. Let's just say I need your guys' help to turn me back. I must do three good deeds in order to do so. So, rally the team up so we can figure it out."

Chris saluted, though he had a grin on his face. "Yes sir!"

"Jill, you go with him."

"Okay, captain! Oh…before I go…can I pet you one last time?" Jill asked, smiling down at him. Her eyes were full of that sparkle girls got when they saw something extremely cute.

Wesker heaved a sigh. "If it will make you leave faster and do your job, yes, fine."

"Yes!"

She bent down and started petting him. Chris waited patiently, but Wesker noticed him grumbling to himself. Apparently, the marksman was secretly being jealous. Wesker started purring again, though he tried to curse the cat body once again. Jill's hands just felt so good under his chin.

"Jill."

"Yes, Chris?"

"Can you please stop petting Wesker now?" Chris grumbled. "We have work to do."

"Oh, right…sorry." Jill pulled away. "We will be right back!"

As his two Alpha team members left the S.T.A.R.S office, Wesker sat there on the floor thinking. This was going to be harder than he thought. Maybe he should have went along with William and gone to the nursery home instead. Sighing, the black cat turned to go to his desk.

* * *

**Poor, poor Wesker! Things just keep getting weirder and weirder for him!!! Lol!! Between William, Annette, Sherry, and our favorite STARS, I don't know how he is going to remain sane!!!!! And he still has three good deeds to do!!!!! How will he pull them off, you say???? Well, you will just have to stay tuned in for the next chapter!!!! Mwahahahahha!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Oh, and I am now accepting anonymous reviews as well...just don't make them too weird please! :D Alrighty!!!! Please review!!!!!!! XD**


	5. Chapter 5: To Redfield's House We Go

**Chapter 5: To Redfield's House We Go**

"So, a ghost guy named Francis Francy turned you into a cat?" Chris asked, dumbfounded after Wesker's whole story towards the team.

"Correct…ouch! Barry! What the hell?!" Wesker hissed, whirling on the bearish family man.

"I'm sorry! I just had to poke you to make sure I'm not going senile in my old age! Geez, I need a freaking sandwich!" The older man trotted away, over to his desk. Wesker rolled his eyes, tail lashing in irritation.

"You've been senile for years, you old coot!" Joseph laughed. The man in the red bandana then turned to the cat form of his captain. "Alright, Captain Wesker! This is funny and all, but we get it okay? You can change out of that costume!"

"Costume?" Wesker grunted, looking down at his small, furry form. "How is this a damn costume?"

"I don't know," Joseph grumbled, walking over to Wesker's desk, where the black cat was currently perched on.

"Wait! Get away from me!"

Joseph pulled Wesker's tail and then tried to pull the fur off. "Well, damn! That's on good!"

"Joseph, I think-" Chris started, but was interrupted by yowls of a severely pissed off cat.

Joseph's eyes widened, and within seconds he got a face full of furry rage and slicing claws. Joseph screamed, trying to pull the cat off his face. He tripped over a rolling chair and fell onto the ground, still crying like a little girl. Jill was laughing out loud, pointing at the chaos, happy tears coming to her eyes.

By the time Wesker jumped off of Joseph's face, the poor young man had a bloody face of scratches and bites, with bits of fur here and there. He coughed out some of the hair, blinking his sore eyes and moving slowly to get to his feet.

"Okay, I'm convinced. That is real."

Wesker cleared his throat once he was settled on top of his desk again. "Excuse me for that outburst."

"Dude, you got your ass handed to you by a cat!" Chris howled in laughter. He and Jill had to lean on each other for support they were laughing so hard.

"Shut up!" Joseph barked, feeling his face.

"Hmm, do I want mustard or mayonnaise? Mustard…mayonnaise…" Barry pondered in the corner, having his sandwich paraphernalia on his desk ready to go.

"Were any of you listening to me just now?" Wesker growled.

"Yeah, Francis Franky…or was it Franky Francis?" Chris mumbled.

"Francis Francy!"

"Yeah! That's him!"

"So, you have to do three good deeds? Did he specify more?" Jill asked.

Wesker heaved a sigh, the feline instincts wanting to kick in to clean himself. "Yes, I must fulfill the deeds by the next full moon."

"Why? Are you going to turn into a werewolf?" Joseph asked.

"Why am I surrounded by idiots?" Wesker asked himself sharply. "Why?"

"Okay, now he is talking to himself. That isn't healthy," Chris said, shaking his head with his arms crossed like he was a disappointed mother.

"It can't be healthy being a cat either," Joseph snorted, using a small mirror to clean his bloody face up. "Geez, these cuts freaking burn!"

"Hey, Chris! Do I want ham or turkey?"

"Turkey!"

"American or Swiss…ooh, ooh! Or pepper jack? I also have provolone!"

"Definitely provolone!" Jill called.

"Wheat bread or white bread?"

"White!" Chris and Joseph called.

"Wheat!" Jill yelled, glaring at the boys.

"Wheat!" the boys agreed.

"I'm leaving," Wesker heaved, jumping down onto the floor. The black cat headed for the door, where he went unnoticed, as his Alpha team started arguing over sandwiches.

He made his way downstairs, wondering how the hell he was going to get back to William. By the time the black cat stepped onto the tiled floor at the bottom of the staircase, he saw an officer coming through the nearby door with a German Shepherd at his side. The police officer was laughing, presumably talking to a comrade in the room he came from.

"Okay, alright! I get it, man! Let me just put up Rambo real quick."

_Uh-oh…_

Rambo perked up upon seeing the lithe cat at the base of the steps. The large shepherd immediately started growling, lowering his head and starting to prowl. Wesker's eyes widened in horror, and he slowly started to back up.

"Rambo! No! Not another cat!"

Rambo charged forth, barking furiously. His master was taken down with a jerk from the leash, letting it slip from his hand as he slapped the floor. Wesker leaped in the air, spinning around and heading right back up the stairs. The cat sprinted for his life, the mad dog closing in. Wesker was able to zip into the S.T.A.R.S office, where he found Chris to be his closest rescue. He leaped high, claws stabbing into Chris's butt as Wesker climbed his way up to his Alpha member's shoulders.

"Holy guacamole! What the hell?!" Chris spat, jumping at each claw stab.

Rambo was barking in a frenzy, jumping and moving around Chris to try and get to Wesker. Wesker dug his claws into Chris and wouldn't let go, even as Chris tried to pull him off. Joseph, Jill, and Barry were trying to call the crazy dog off. Finally, Jill grabbed Barry's freshly made sandwich and threw it out into the hallway. Rambo immediately went after it. The German Shepherd slurped up the sandwich, wagging his tail and then trotting off back to his master.

"No! My turkey provolone with mustard and mayo on wheat bread sandwich! Not my sandwich! Why, Jill? Why???!!!" Barry cried, his face turning red.

"I had to save the captain!" Jill answered.

"My butt hurts! Thanks a lot, Wesker!" Chris grumbled. "Those claws really do some damage, ya know?"

"I was hoping the dog would get you over me."

"What?"

"N-nothing, nothing. Say, Chris. How about you do your awesome captain a favor and take him home?"

"I'm not allowed to have pets, sorry," Chris chuckled, sitting Wesker down on his desk.

"I have nowhere else to go!"

"I'll take you home, Captain!!!" Jill exclaimed excitedly, even holding her hand up like she was an elementary student. Once she received some odd, curious looks, she slowly lowered it.

Wesker purred, "Why thank you, Jill. I really-"

"No! I will take you home! Jill doesn't need to be bothered by…ah, fleas!" Chris barked, laughing. He then glared at Jill.

"I don't have fleas! And don't say that again! You might start making me feel itchy!"

"Sorry, Captain!" Chris retorted, saluting him.

"Just take me home!" Wesker growled, feeling another feline headache coming on.

***

_And I thought William's house was a mess…_

Chris's house wasn't exactly dirty; it was just that Chris was such a packrat. Oh, alright, there were dirty clothes everywhere. Wesker found the leftovers of a sandwich from a week ago slightly poking out from under the couch, and he grimaced. He glared up at his Alpha team member.

"This place is a dump!"

"Hey! I haven't had time to clean up, alright?" Chris grumbled, quickly running through the house and sweeping up dirty laundry.

"I should have gone home with Jill. I bet she would have treated me nice," Wesker chuckled, flicking his tail in amusement.

Chris death glared him from across the living room. It was the kind of look that could stop a person dead, but of course kitty Wesker wasn't fazed in the least.

"What is that look for? You shouldn't glare at the one person who could fire you."

Chris dropped the evil look. "Oh, right. Sorry. Say, are you hungry? I don't have any cat food but I have milk…and-"

"You are starting to sound like William."

"Who?"

"Uh, no one…ahem."

Chris grinned. "I do have a couple of mice running around here. You couldn't happen to-?"

"No, I couldn't," Wesker growled. "And don't even think about finishing that sentence."

"Oh, wow! Look at the time!"

Wesker blinked. "What? Are you missing your favorite show?"

"No! My little sister will be here in like a minute! I better hurry up and finish cleaning the house or she's gonna get me!"

He spun around and ran off, quickly picking up stray socks and underwear. Wesker felt his eye twitch, and he immediately thought of Sherry.

_Oh God, I hope she isn't that little…but then again…he does talk about her a lot. Of course I was never paying attention. I wonder how old she is…_

The front door burst open behind him, making the cat leap out of his skin. He spun around, and he could have sworn he heard thunder, and saw lightning flash in the background outside. At first, the silhouette seemed small and girly, and Wesker was thinking it was Sherry's evil twin. Then, the young woman entered, flicking on the living room lights.

"Big brother! I'm here!"

Wesker smirked evilly…if cats can smirk anyway. _Hello! This must be his lovely sister…what's her blasted name again? Ah, it slipped my mind. Karen? Vanessa?_

"Claire! How's my goofball sister?" Chris yelled, running into the living room. He still had underwear hiding behind his back.

"Great! How's my oaf of a bro?"

"Cleaning!"

"Aw! You got a cat! He's so adorable!" Claire exclaimed, dropping her bag and running over to Wesker.

"Don't touch him!" Chris yelled, making Claire freeze upon touching the cat. Chris realized that he gave an outburst. Smiling innocently, he cleared his throat. "I mean, ah, yeah. His name is Wesker. Just be careful picking him up. He doesn't like to be handled much."

Claire scooped him up, putting him up against her chest and petting him. Wesker immediately started to purr in delight. "Wesker? Isn't that your captain's name?"

"Uh, oh yeah! Well, you know. I really respect Captain Wesker! He is such an awesomely cool guy with the shades and all…I just wanted to name my new cat after him."

"Uh-huh, sure," Claire laughed softly, putting Wesker down. "You do know that he isn't fixed, right? He might start spraying. You better take him to the vet and get him neutered."

Wesker glared at her, slashing claws at her nearby hands, and nicking her in the finger. She yelped and drew back her hand, glaring down at the cat. Chris started rolling in fits of laughter, and for a moment, Claire didn't understand why, nor did Wesker.

"I don't think…he would like that too much," he chortled, leaning on the couch for support.

Claire glared at her older brother. "It's not for the cat to decide. If you don't, he is gonna spray all over your clothes and furniture. He will get out and knock up all the other unfixed cats around this neighborhood and continue making the population of poor unwanted pets rise. And-"

"Okay! Alright! I get it!"

"It's healthy for him and all pets," Claire finished, folding her arms.

Chris looked down onto the black cat, pointing his finger like he was scolding his captain. "Now Wesker. Don't you be spraying or getting those lady cats pregnant. Do you understand?" He then couldn't take it anymore, and he fell onto the floor laughing so hard.

"Chris, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you on drugs or something?" Claire asked as her brother rolled on the floor. She shook her head in disbelief.

She bent down and picked up the black cat again as Chris climbed to his feet. Claire paid no more attention to her brother, but started stroking Wesker again.

"Okay Wesker, I'm gonna go put my things up in my room. You can sleep with me tonight!"

"What?! No way! And get him off of your chest!"

"Why?" Claire questioned, giving him a glare.

"B-because! He…he's a boy cat! He shouldn't be touching you there!" Chris barked.

If only you knew exactly how much amusement Wesker was getting out of this. He turned his head back and forth between the siblings, smiling and purring as any cat would in such a delightful situation.

"A boy cat? Chris, are you an idiot or something? He doesn't know the difference! He's a cat!"

"That one does!"

"Oh my God," sighed Claire, shaking her head. She looked down onto the purring black cat that was trying his best not to snicker. "Okay Wesker kitty, you are definitely sleeping with me tonight. My brother has finally gone bonkers."

"What if he turns back tonight?!" Chris yelled.

"Turns back? What the hell are you talking about now?"

"What if he turns into a man?! In the middle of the night?! Huh? Huh? What are you going to do then?!"

It was Claire's turn to bust out in laughter. She laughed so hard, she almost crushed Wesker in her arms. Her face was turning red from lack of air. "Well, then…I sure…hope he's…hot!!"

She took off with Wesker in her arms, still laughing maniacally. Wesker could hear Chris screaming in the background. As Wesker was being carried off, he started to wonder if this was a good idea or not.

_I sure hope she's not mentally ill…like everyone else around here…_

***

Later that night, Chris, Claire, and kitty Wesker sat on the couch in the dark watching a scary movie called _Attack of the Zombie Brain Eaters!_ The zombies on the movie had cornered the last few survivors in a bar. Chris was green in the face from all the blood and gore, while Claire had her eyes wide open in awe while chowing down on some burnt popcorn. Wesker too was glued to the television, watching in delight as the hopeless survivors were slowly succumbing to their demise.

"What the hell is up with you and zombies anyway?" Chris snorted. "This movie freaks me out! We should have put in _Shaun of the Dead_, it's much better!"

"What's not cool about people getting their brains eaten by zombies?! Right Wesker?" Wesker nodded his head. Claire laughed. "Boy is he a smart cat! It's like he understands what I'm saying!"

Chris hid behind his pillow. They could hear the survivors screaming in the background. The old, corny movie seemed to provide enough for Claire's older brother, because when one of the zombies popped out, he cried out, flipping over the couch like a S.W.A.T member high on Red Bull.

"Don't go into the meat locker!" Claire and Wesker yelled out in unison.

And they surely did go into the meat locker. More screams erupted, and the last of the survivors were eaten alive. And then the zombies broke out of the bar and were heading for town. The End.

"That was a great movie!" Claire exclaimed.

"I've never watched one of those! I like how all those poor, wretched fools got their limbs ripped in the most macabre way! I thoroughly enjoyed that!" Wesker laughed.

"Yeah, I know! These are my favorites!" Claire answered, also laughing as she got a big drink of her coke. Her eyes suddenly grew huge, and she spit out the coke all over Wesker.

"Holy shit! You can talk!"

"Well, I can explain tha-"

Instead of trying to kill him, Claire bent down next to him, thoroughly amazed and wondered. "Can you see color?"

"Yes." Wesker blinked at her odd question. _Well, it's better than having a lamp thrown at me, or trying to be stomped on, or being thrown like a rag doll._

"Is there really this eternal war going on between cats and dogs?"

"I don't know. That's absurd."

"Do cats really have nine lives?"

"I highly doubt it, though in this case…as close as I have been to death already, I sure hope so."

"Do cats dream?"

"Why are you asking me these questions?" Wesker growled.

Claire blinked. "Well, because you are a talking cat, duh. Wow, I must be dreaming…or Chris spiked my coke."

"No, no! Wait, Claire! This is Captain Wesker! He got turned into a cat! I didn't want to tell you because I knew you would think I was insane!"

"Good call, because I do think you are insane!" Her eyes then lit up even more. She grinned down at Wesker. "No wonder you got all defensive when I talked about getting you neutered!"

"A ghost named Franky Francisco turned him into a cat!"

"Francis Francy, Chris!" Wesker barked.

"Whatever! And now he has to do three good deeds in order to turn back to normal!"

"Hmm, I read a book like that once," Claire murmured to herself.

"Really? How did it end?" Chris asked, curious.

"Well, the guy was this real bastard that everyone hated. So, it was kind of like this karma thing. Well, anyways, one of his dead relatives came back as a ghost and turned him into a skunk and told him to change his ways or he would have to remain a skunk forever!"

"How horrible! Wesker, at least you didn't get turned into a skunk!"

Claire rolled her eyes at her brother. She sat down next to Wesker again, picking the cat up and putting him on her lap so she could look at him one on one.

"So, why did this ghost guy turn you into a cat? Are you a real bastard that everyone hates?"

Wesker snorted in laughter, putting his paw to his chest. "Me? A bastard? Of course not! It's just a ah…miscalculation. I'm not evil! He must have just got me mixed up with someone else!"

"But you still have to do the three deeds anyway?" Claire asked.

Wesker realized where this was going. Claire was in her maternal mode that women got into sometimes. Wesker felt an idea pop into his head, and he couldn't help but to snicker. He could use Claire to help him turn back!

Having figured his new plan, Wesker decided to play pitiful. He hung his head with a depressed sigh, giving her the sweetest kitty look alive. He knew it worked because her lips quivered, and she went, "Aw! You poor thing!"

"I know. I don't know what I'm going to do!"

"Well, don't worry! I'm here to help! Come on; let's gather some ideas before we go to bed!" Claire said excitedly, scooping the cat up in her arms.

"What?! He's not allowed in your room!"

"Why?"

"Because he is an older man! Well, he's male in general! No, Claire!"

"Try and stop me! He is sleeping with me!" Claire barked, throwing the cat over her shoulder and taking off in a complete run.

Chris's jaw dropped. He saw Wesker snickering and waving at him with his paw while Claire ran off with him. Chris couldn't believe it. He stood there for a moment, and then it all hit him at once.

"That sneaky bastard is trying to get close to my sister! That's it! It's kitty extermination time!"

* * *

**Lol, I really had fun writing this chapter for some reason. Okay, so now Wesker is spending the night at Chris's house. What does that mean for William? Is he worried for his partner? Or is he too preoccupied with something else, like chocolate milk? Will Barry get his turkey provolone with mustard and mayo on wheat bread sandwich? Or will the bearish man hulk out? Will Wesker ever get his first good deed done? Really, will he? Cuz I don't know, lol. I hope all of you enjoyed this chapter! Bring on the next chapter! Oh, wait...I have to write it first! . Thanks for reading and reviewing!!!**


	6. Chapter 6: Good Deed No1

**Chapter 6: Good Deed No.1**

"I just don't get it!" Joseph fumed, glaring over at the corner in the S.T.A.R.S office, his arms folded as he pouted. "What makes Wesker so…so…awesomely cool?"

"I don't know. But the ladies do love him," Forest sighed shaking his head. "He puts us poor fools to shame…even while he is a cat!"

"Look at him over there," Chris growled, death glaring the black cat as he was perched on his desk. Jill, Claire, and Rebecca were all over there petting Wesker and giggling and talking. Wesker seemed to be enjoying the ladies' attention, and he sat pompously, as if purposely trying to taunt the other men in the office. "Look how he is bathing in their affection as if he is being praised!"

"Chris, are you alright?" Richard asked, giving his comrade an odd look.

"I'm not jealous!" Chris snapped.

"We…didn't say that you were," Forest stated, blinking in confusion. He then smiled and chuckled.

"Where the hell is Brad, anyway?" Joseph asked, looking around for Chickenheart while scratching his head.

"He called in sick," Barry answered as he sat at his desk, making another sandwich. "He said it was…cat scratch fever or something."

"Did Wesker scratch him? Is he contagious? Does it turn you into a werecat?" Joseph asked, getting nervous. He bit at his nails. "We need to save the girls!"

"No, you idiot. It's Brad remember? He is probably being a chicken wuss about the situation. Oh, speaking of chicken, that would go lovely on my sandwich!"

Chris and the other guys rolled their eyes as Barry's attention was taken away. He glared over at Wesker and the girls, watching as they talked on in their little groupie. He then chuckled evilly to himself, and pulled out a little baggie from his pocket.

"Oh, is that weed?" Forest asked excitedly.

"No, it's catnip dummy…wait…you smoke weed?"

"No! I was…just ah…wondering if you did. What the hell is catnip anyways?"

Chris snickered again. "When I was growing up, Claire and I would always give our mom's cats catnip to make them loopy. They freaking love this stuff!"

"So…it's like weed for cats?" Forest asked, folding his arms.

"Sure whatever. Wesker says that he has to fight the cat's instincts. I would love to watch him try and fight this stuff."

"Why are you being recklessly stupid? Wesker is gonna kill you if you do that to him!" Joseph gasped.

"Or fire you, if he is feeling generous," Richard mumbled.

"This is personal," Chris grumbled, taking daring steps towards Wesker and the girls while pulling out some of the dried catnip.

He was suddenly grabbed by the arm and yanked backwards. His buddies were shaking their heads; eyes wide like a deer's in headlights. They were all pitifully scared.

"Don't do it!" Richard screamed.

"It will be the death of you!" Forest snapped.

"He's got claws, remember?! Look at my freaking face, man!" Joseph barked.

"Sandwich!" Barry yelled, but to them it made no sense.

Chris turned to them, appalled by the men's behavior and sissiness. He placed his fists on his hips, glaring at his comrades with a new flare of bravado.

"Are we men, or are we chickens?!"

"Brad's a chicken!" Joseph snickered.

"We can't just stand here and let that man…er…cat take away our ladies! We've got to show them that we are better than him! Let's stand up for ourselves and be men! Do it not only for yourself and pride, but do it for the ladies around here! Someone's got to be manly! Who's with me?!"

"Yeah!" Forest cheered.

"Hell yeah!" Joseph rooted.

"Screw you guys, I'm going home!" Richard barked. He went to leave, but Joseph and Forest grabbed him.

"Be a man, Richard!"

"SANDWICH!"

"Yeah! What Barry said!" Joseph cheered.

"Hip hip!" Chris called. "Hooray!" his comrades echoed.

"Go manhood!"

"Are all of you done?" Wesker asked.

Chris, Joseph, Forest, Richard, and Barry looked over at the captain's desk. Wesker cat was glaring at them, tail lashing in agitation. The girls were peering at them curiously, trying not to laugh or giggle. They didn't realize that they were so loud.

Chris cleared his throat. "Ah, yes sir….sorry."

"What happened to being manly, Chris?" Forest snickered.

Chris grabbed Barry's freshly made sandwich and slapped Forest across the face with it. The smack echoed throughout the office. Chris was so mad that he threw the poor sandwich onto the floor and started jumping on it until it was crushed into a boot-tile pancake. Afterwards, Chris beat his chest with his fists like a gorilla and then walked out of the office, steam pouring out of his ears.

"O…kay…" Joseph said, blinking in confusion.

"No!" Barry wailed. "My sandwich!"

"Geez, Barry! It's just a freaking sandwich!" Forest barked, rubbing the side of his face that had a sandwich imprint.

"BARRY WANTS SANDWICH NOW!"

Everyone was staring at Barry now. His skin was turning green and he was starting to grow in muscle and mass. Forest's eye twitched in horror.

"He's hulking out! Everyone! Code red!" Jill yelled.

The men were the first ones out, crying like babies. Wesker ran behind the ladies, daring not to look over his shoulder to witness Hulk Barry. His paws ran as fast as they could for an escape outside of the S.T.A.R.S office.

"SANDWICH!"

***

Wesker was relieved to get away from the precinct. At the moment he was enjoying being carried by Claire, who was walking along the streets, away from the police station. Wesker had to agree that he didn't need to be working while in this cat form. He needed to focus on doing three good deeds to turn himself back. Wesker had no idea where Francis Francy was, but he silently cursed the evil, strange ghost.

"Where are you taking me exactly? You should take me to William." As the words came out, he suddenly thought against them. William would only cause him more grief. He was sure of it.

"Who's William?" Claire asked, then snorted. "Don't worry! I'm an expert at good deeds! You'll be a man again in no time with me helping you!"

Wesker rolled his eyes, his whiskers twitching. His eyes then widened as he saw a very familiar person ahead of them, walking their way. He dug his claws into her arm.

"Oh, balderdash! It's him!"

"Him who?"

"William!" Wesker hissed.

William was busy scouting the area. He had a pair of binoculars, a dart gun, and a trap cage. He whistled in a happy tune, walking towards them along the sidewalk. Wesker didn't understand what his partner was doing, then realized that William was hunting him down.

William noticed them. He stopped whistling and came running over, laughing. Claire stepped back, holding Wesker close. Wesker stayed quiet, hoping William would bypass them.

"Hello there!"

"Um, hi…"

"I see you are holding my talking cat! Can I please have him back?"

Wesker dug his claws deeper into Claire's skin. "Ow! Knock that off…oh…um…talking cat? Are you okay, sir?"

William glared at Claire and then down at Wesker. "Don't play dumb with me! That's my talking cat! He was originally a man! But got turned into a cat by a ghost that looked like our old mentor that we-"

"Okay, William! Hello! You don't have to tell her the whole story!" Wesker barked, relieved that he was able to interrupt William in time.

"Right! Sorry! So, who's this? Is she your girlfriend? Kinda young, don't you think?"

"Excuse me?!" Claire barked.

"Hold it!" Wesker yelled before Claire could attack him. "Please excuse my…ah…cousin. William here is kind of the black sheep in the family. It's my responsibility to watch over him."

"Really? That's interesting!" Claire replied, looking down at the cat.

"Black sheep?!"

"So, he's your cousin, huh?" Claire asked.

"Twice removed."

"Hey!" William barked, putting his hands on his waist.

"Well, it was nice meeting you, William, but I promised Wesker I would help him with his three deeds. We will see you later."

"WHAT?! I was supposed to help him! Albert! Nursing home, remember?!"

"Oh! A nursing home would be a great place to go!" Claire exclaimed.

Wesker wiggled out of Claire's arms. He landed on his paws on the sidewalk and turned around to face the two. He had something he was going to say, but the two of them started arguing over who was taking Wesker. Wesker sat and waited for a moment, but the argument wasn't settling.

The black cat then noticed this little old lady getting ready to cross the street. She hobbled about, using her cane to walk while carrying a bag in the other. He cocked his head slightly, trying to figure if there was a good deed somewhere in there. He then heard a motorcycle running down the street, going far over the speed limit. The biker was too busy trying to get his scarf out of his face to notice where he was going.

"Oh, no! That old lady is going to get hit by that awesome looking Harley! Oh, and it's such a pretty red!" Claire gasped.

"It is! It's like dark candy apple!" William yelled.

"No! More like blood ruby."

Wesker jerked forward into a run. The black cat ran right out in front of the old lady, startling her into stopping. Wesker was about to sigh in relief, but felt sharp pain hit his tail as the motorcycle flew by them… He yelped out in pain, turning around to see that his tail was bent awkwardly.

"Dammit!" he cursed.

"Eeek! Evil demonic talking black cat! Evil! Evil! EVIL!" the old lady screeched.

Before Wesker could respond to her cries, he was hit multiple times over the head with the bag, which felt as if it was full of bricks. Wesker tried to get away, but each swing of the bag knocked him back.

"Stop hitting me at once, you fiendish old hag!" Wesker spat. "I just saved your life!"

Another bash to the head knocked him off of his paws. At that moment, the lady calmed down, taking out a handkerchief to dab her face. She was all smiles and big thick glasses, and white curly hair again. She looked both ways across the street before she started walking again.

"I forgot where I was going. I need to get home soon, or I will never be able to make my homemade snickerdoodle cookies!" she giggled as she hobbled away.

"Wesker! Are you okay?!" William and Claire called in unison. They came running over, where William picked the cat up to put him on his paws.

"Just wait until I get a piece of her," Wesker growled lowly, shaking the dizziness from his head. "She had bricks in that thing!"

William started rolling in laughter. Wesker glared at him, even as Claire scooped him up into her arms. They moved out of the street, back onto the sidewalk. William was still crying in fits of laughter, and Wesker was agitated that he wouldn't stop.

"Look at your freakin' tail, man! It looks like someone slammed it in a door!" William cackled.

"Shut up! This is not amusing in the slightest!"

William kept laughing. Wesker felt like jumping onto his face and scratching it up like he did to Joseph's. Before he could, Claire suddenly stomped her foot down on top of William's foot. William howled in pain, and his laughter turned to yelps. To Wesker, that sound was much for easing.

"Well, good deed one down! Two more to go!" Claire said, peering down at the cat.

"Hooray," Wesker mumbled, heaving a sigh.

***

His idea to come up with a new plan at Redfield's house proved to be in vain. Chris was still at work presumably, while Claire was taking a shower. Wesker sat in a window seal, looking out into the suburban streets. He hoped that saving the fiend of an old lady was considered a good deed. He wouldn't know until Francis Francy showed himself.

William had decided to let Wesker go with Claire easily than Wesker thought he was going to. Wesker was relieved. At least Claire didn't tease him with jingly balls or catnip. There also wasn't a ten year old girl that wanted to crush you with hugs here. Here, Wesker could think without the immediate threat of the feline instincts kicking in.

Opera music started echoing from the kitchen. The black cat peered in that direction, suspicious of what it could be. Maybe Chris had come home early, and was now singing opera as he scrounged through the fridge for some food. Or maybe William had followed them here and had crawled through a window, and the opera music was his sneaking theme…Wesker didn't know, and the only way to find out was to go check it out.

As soon as he padded into the kitchen, he saw Francis Francy dancing around while singing opera. His ghostly robe flowed around him enchantingly, but to Wesker in was sickening and wrong. The black cat huffed in agitation, tail lashing side to side.

"What in the world are you doing?" Wesker growled.

"Oh! Hey Whisker kitty!"

"Stop calling me that!"

"I love opera, don't you?"

"Funny, my old mentor that I killed loved opera…yet you look exactly like him."

"Are you talking about that James Marcus guy again? Wasn't he old when you whacked him?"

"Yes, but you are a replica of his younger self."

Francis Francy blinked in confusion, easing a ghost smile. "Should…I be flattered?"

"Never mind. What are you doing here?"

"I came to congratulate you on your first good deed!"

Wesker perked up with interest, his whiskers twitching. "It counted? How marvelous!"

"Seeing that your tail is bent awkwardly, I can tell that you really put your life on the line to save that old lady! Wasn't she the cutest little thing?"

"So, I have two more left?"

"Yes," Francis answered, nodding. "And I suggest you hurry. Those kitty instincts may be bubbling to the surface before you know it!"

"After this is all over, you are going to leave me the hell alone, right?"

Francis snorted a laughed. "Sure thing! Oh, a fair warning though. It would be a good idea to take you back to your house with nobody around when I turn you back."

"Why?" Wesker asked suspiciously.

"Well, you're naked…duh! If I just zap you now to turn you back into a man, that lovely lady in the shower is gonna freak! Oh, and let's not forget about her brother. He will be home shortly, and if he enters this household with you naked and his sister in the shower-"

"Alright, I get it! Shut up!" Wesker barked. He then heaved an aggravated sigh.

"Though…it would be _very_ amusing to see that…just to turn you back for a minute or two…"

"Don't you even think about it!"

"But I thought you wanted to be in your true body again?"

Wesker gave the snickering ghost the most hellish death glare ever. Francis Francy looked out through the kitchen window, his eyes widening.

"Holy snickerdoodle, Batman!"

"Huh?"

"Oh, sorry…I did Batman last week…turned him into a bat. How ironic is that? Oh right, I better scadoodle! That lovely girl's brother that works for you is coming, and he looks angry!"

"Wait!" Wesker hissed, but the Marcus look-alike disappeared into nothing before the cat's eyes.

The front door came crashing open. Wesker whirled around to see Chris with this evil grin on his face. He was holding up catnip in one hand, and a fluffy pink ball in the other.

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty…"

_What the hell did I do to him? Oh yeah…his sister…_

"Chris? What do you think you are doing? I am your Captain! I order you to put those things away now!"

"But Captain…they are presents…for you," Chris snickered.

Wesker decided he should run before Chris did something drastic…like throw the pink fluffy ball. He ran right in between Chris's legs, heading for shelter. He heard the marksman give a battle cry, and then there came heavy steps coming for him. Wesker didn't know the Redfield house too well, just Claire's bedroom, the living room, and the kitchen. He saw a cracked door down the hallway, and hoped it was an exit.

He darted through the crack, sliding right into the bathroom where Claire was cloaked in a towel. Chris barged through the door, only for Claire to scream. Chris screamed too, and he covered his eyes in horror. Wesker watched as Claire kicked Chris's ass out of the bathroom, where she then slammed the door shut.

The black cat started chuckling to himself in amusement. He could never get over how evilly clever he was. He truly was an evil genius, and he was able to watch Chris get his hiney handed to him by a girl.

"You peeping tomcat!" Claire yowled.

"Huh? What? No! Not me! I was-"

He barely dodged a shampoo bottle. Wesker started dodging many other flying objects while Claire cursed him every word in the book. He frantically searched for a way out, evading toilet paper, makeup, soap bars, and toilet scrubbers. The cat leaped for the window seal, where the open window let the steam from the shower spill out into the outside air. Wesker leaped down for the grass, barely missing being struck by a box of tampons.

_Forget this! I'm heading back to William's house! Those Redfields are insane!_

* * *

**Poor Wesker...I don't think he will get any kind of a break...lol! Wel, it looks as if he is heading back to William, Annette, and Sherry! Between Claire and Chris, I don't know who is scarier right now! Maybe William will come up with some good ideas for good deed number 2...or maybe it will be Sherry, or a purple people eater, I really don't know. However, it seems as though Wesker kitty is gonna have his hands...er...paws full of craziness. There is Hulk Barry running amok, there is mischevious, revenge wanting Chris, and now a severely pissed Claire! 0.0 Maybe Wesker will survive long enough to be able to get turned back to normal! Mwahahahahahaha!!!!**


	7. Chapter 7: That Darn Wesker!

**Chapter 7: That Darn Wesker!**

After two blocks of running, Wesker was sure he was safe from the Redfields. The suburbs were huge now compared to his small size, but at least he had an excellent sense of direction, and could find William's house in no time. The black cat trotted along, minding his own business. He dodged cars and kids on bicycles. He even walked swiftly away when he noticed that the girl cats were eyeing him with great appreciation.

"When I get turned back, I'm gonna fire Chris…and Barry. No, I should really send Barry to a mental institution. And I'm going to kick Joseph's ass because I feel like it. Oh, and Claire…I don't know what, but I am going to do something about her as well. Wait a minute…I'm talking to myself. That isn't healthy. Actually, I am just talking aloud. So never mind…I'm not mental."

He heard thick growling sprout behind him. Wesker came to a halt, his eye twitching in nervousness. He hated being a small animal that could be eaten, or hugged, or ran over, and etc. He slowly turned around, only to come snout to snout with a drooling mutt that was eyeing him for lunch. The dog went berserk with barking. Wesker's fur fluffed out and he took off like there was no tomorrow. He went for the nearest tree while the neighborhood pooch tailed him. Wesker leaped, unsheathing his claws to dig into the bark and climbed up the tree. He secured himself on the lowest branch, glaring down at the dog.

The mutt wouldn't shut up with the barking. It frantically jumped up the tree, trying to get to him. There was drool going everywhere.

"Get lost, you mangy cur!" Wesker called. The dog became instantly quiet. It peered up at him curiously, tail slightly wagging. "You heard me! You're uglier than Benji!!!! No, no!!! You are uglier than Benji's dog!!!"

The dog whimpered at him, drooping its ears and tail. It walked off with its head lowered, sniffling and whining. Wesker watched it go until it was safe. He jumped down and quickly started for William and Annette's house once more.

"Who knew that the best way to get a drooling dog off of you was to hurt its feelings," Wesker chuckled.

He reached the right house not long afterwards. There was no way he could knock on the door in this form. Wesker was just going to have to jump onto the outside window seal to try and get them to notice him. He did too. He peeked into the living room, and only saw William. His partner was lounging on the couch playing video games. Wesker shook his head, growling.

_What is he doing? I am more important than video games. He should be worried about me being in Claire's arms…hehehehe, I just amused myself…_

Finally, William noticed him. Relieved, Wesker put his front paws on the glass, glaring over at his partner. William got up from the couch and came over. He waved at Wesker and smiled at him, but didn't move to open the front door or the window.

"William! Let me in! Do you think I want to be left out here?!"

William's eyes grew wide, like he was horrified. He shook his head frantically at Wesker. The black cat heaved a sigh.

"Let me in! I order you to do so!"

William shook his head again, eyes still wide with terror. He tried to do some kind of awkward sign language, but Wesker couldn't understand a thing he was doing. Looking through the living room into the kitchen, he could see Annette doing the dishes. There was a window in front of her. Smirking, Wesker hopped down and quickly ran around the house. He jumped onto the kitchen window seal outside.

Annette was singing a song as she scrubbed the dishes, but Wesker could hardly hear her through the glass. He pushed himself up onto his hind legs, letting his front paws stay on the glass so she could notice him faster. She did too. Annette paused at doing the dishes and smiled at him.

"Hello, Annette, my darling! Please let your husband's best friend in!" Wesker said, batting his eyes temptingly.

Annette's smile grew to an evil smirk. She nodded at him. She pulled up the window. Relieved, Wesker came into the house, jumping from the window to the counter to avoid the sink full of water and dishes. Annette slammed the window shut, and then faced him with that same evil grin.

"Why are you smiling like that? You are creeping me out," Wesker grumbled. His keen ears then picked up on the scariest sound of all. Lots and lots of little girls around Sherry's age giggling and playing in a room or so over. "Wait a minute! Annette, don't you-"

She grabbed him and tossed him onto the floor. She cleared her throat, just as William came in. William saw Wesker, and his eyes widened in horror again.

"I got a cute kitty in here!" called Annette.

"Damn you!" Wesker cursed.

There came a flood of young girls in pajamas rushing into the kitchen like one of Egypt's plagues. Wesker was horrified. The girls were giggling and screaming, and they came straight for him with demonic, evil intentions.

"KITTY!" they cried.

_I can't believe I forgot the birthday party! But why are they having it here?! It was one Sherry's friends! Couldn't they have done it elsewhere?_

Wesker dodged the hands and girly clothing, going straight for William. William saw this and darted out of the kitchen. Wesker bailed for it, all ten girls right behind him. He saw William open the front door for him.

"Don't you understand sign language?!" William barked. "I was trying to tell you to stay away!"

"Not _your _sign language!"

"Get out! Run to your freedom, friend! I will find you when the danger has passed!" William laughed, watching as the cat darted right out from under the girls' hands.

"Aw! I wanted to dress him up!" one of the girls complained.

"Me too!"

The little girls went back to Sherry's room. William shut the door, only to come face to face with a glaring Annette. Blinking, William eased a nervous smile.

"Y-yes, hon?"

"What did you do that for? I was trying to get him back for all the times he annoyed the hell outta me," Annette growled, crossing her arms.

"Sorry, but I had to help him! He's my buddy!"

"Well, you just let your buddy in cat form go out into a dangerous place where he could get eaten, or run over, or catnapped," Annette answered seriously. She then burst out in laughter. "Catnapped! Oh, I crack myself up sometimes."

"O…kay, I better go find Wesker then," William heaved, leaving out the front door.

***

Once his heart settled from the little girl horrors, Wesker was able to stop and sit on the sidewalk and think on where he could go for the time being. He could go looking for another good deed to accomplish. That was a good option. He couldn't go back to Chris or Claire, not yet. A light bulb then lit up above his head, and the black cat grinned evilly.

"I can go to Jill's house! She will cater to my every whim…I mean…she will help me out, ahem…"

"Look Ivan! A kitty cat!"

Wesker shot his head up to look at who was speaking. He was horrified to see the Colonel before him. Colonel Sergei Vladimir ran Umbrella's private army, and he irritated Wesker every chance he got. His partner was Ivan, a freak of nature who thought it was Halloween every day. Ivan grinned down at him with his windshield-looking sunglasses, his awkward white suit for some reason reminding Wesker of Star Wars.

_Oh great…what the hell do they want? And what are they doing out here anyways?_

Sergei withdrew his large knife, grinning down at Wesker evilly. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty…"

_He's one of those sickos who kill innocent cats! I have to get out of here!_

Sergei suddenly broke open a can of tuna with the knife. His evil grin was replaced by pure love as he sat the can down. He put the knife away and sat down on the sidewalk to join Wesker.

"What a beautiful kitty! Here, have some tuna you magnificent animal!" Sergei laughed, his Russian accent thick.

Wesker was officially freaked out. He watched as Ivan held out a trick or treat bag to every passing stranger. "Trick or treat? Trick or treat?"

"Ivan, knock it off. You are embarrassing me in front of the kitty."

"Sorry, boss, but I just gotta have some candy."

"You are disturbing the very essence that is the kitty!" Sergei growled, shooting a glare up at Ivan. "There is no other creature that is intelligent, or graceful, or clean, or good looking, or powerful….just like me, no?"

"…Sure…"

"This kitty cat here could be my evil apprentice! He can be…my mini me!"

"Mini me?" Ivan questioned, confused.

"MINI ME!"

_I have got to get out of here…now…_

"Look! An endangered cat that is going to get ran over by that kid on a bicycle!" Wesker yelled, pointing with his paw across the street. An orange and white cat was minding its own business while a five year old on his bike came for him. He wasn't going fast at all, but Wesker hoped it was enough to freak Sergei.

"No, kitty! I will save you!"

The Russian Colonel jumped to his feet and charged across the street. Ivan watched on in amazement. Wesker didn't stay and watch. He bolted for it, wanting to get away for good. He got a good block or two before he slowed down.

_Phew…that was close!_

"I'm on his trail, sis!"

"Yipe!" Wesker gasped. He dove into the nearest bush.

Chris came walking by with a magnifying glass. He also had a toy tobacco pipe in his mouth, and he looked really into whatever the hell he was doing.

"Chris, you look like a jackass. Can you please stop?" Claire grumbled. "You are embarrassing me!"

"But I am hot on Wesker's paw tracks! We are literally on his tail! Nothing goes wrong when Chris Holmes is on the case!"

Claire slapped her hand to her face in disbelief. She grumbled something low and continued following her brother. "That darn cat tried to look up my towel. Oh how he has another thing coming."

_I did not! What is she thinking?! Oh, alright so I tried, but how the hell did she know? Damn females…_

He waited until they were farther down the road before he came back out into view. Jill's house wasn't too far away. Wesker wondered if Chris and Claire would go there asking about him. Maybe he could con Jill into hiding him if they did show up.

He padded the rest of the way to Jill's house without any further problems…except maybe for the fact that the neighborhood's female cats were following him. He kept looking over his shoulder. What began as one queen became five. The girl cats were purring and meowing at him.

_Good grief! Why won't they leave me alone?_

He had to be quick to have Jill let him in. He didn't know what the queens were going to do to him. He leaped onto the window seal and looked inside the house. He was looking into the living room. To the right, he could barely see into the kitchen. Jill was nowhere in sight. Her car was here though.

The girl cats started yowling and singing, creating a ruckus. Dogs started barking, car sirens started going off, and people started doing the chicken dance. The commotion must have caused Jill to come to the door and answer it, because she opened the front door.

"What the hell?" she grunted, seeing the twenty female cats singing away on her front porch.

"Excuse me! Jill, over here!"

Wesker's voice caught her attention, and she looked over to the window seal. She smiled upon seeing him. "Captain! Hello! Coming to visit? How are those good deeds coming along?"

"Can I please come inside?"

"Oh, sure!" Jill laughed. She picked him up and brought him inside, slamming the door in front of the yowling cats outside. Jill sat him down on the floor, and Wesker immediately felt better. He followed his Alpha Team member into the living room where he joined her at sitting on the couch.

"Why were all those girl cats with you?" Jill asked.

"I have no idea. They probably wanted to rip me open and eat my insides," Wesker said, breathing to calm himself.

"Hmm, I'm thinking more along the line that they liked you."

"You think so?" "Yeah…probably wanted to use you as a stud!" Jill laughed.

Wesker was not amused in the slightest. He glared at her. "Hahaha, now can we move on? I don't want to speak about the female cats."

"Oh, sorry. So, how is everything coming?" Jill asked.

"I have one good deed down. However, there seems to be a problem here and there."

"Tell me. I can try and help."

"Well, Chris wants to torture me with who knows what…he had catnip and a pink fluffy jingly ball earlier…and Claire, well, she wants to kick my feline ass for no reason."

"Did you come onto her?"

"No! Well…No! I didn't!"

Jill gave him a suspicious look. "Chris is very protective of Claire. Maybe if he saw you hanging out with her too much, he freaked. Though, I can't understand why he would with you as a cat. I mean, what are you gonna do? Purr her to death?"

"You aren't funny."

"Sorry."

"Claire wants to get me back for taking refuge from Chris in the bathroom while she was in the shower. I meant no harm in the interruption but…she threw a box of tampons at me!"

Jill's eyes widened. "Whoa…that's serious."

"I know! And now Chris is acting like Sherlock Holmes to try and hunt me down! Claire is with him! Annette tried to kill me by using all of the little girls, and William won't stop playing video games, and Sergei is cat obsessed, and Ivan is candy obsessed! And apparently the girl cats are Wesker obsessed. We all know that Barry is sandwich obsessed, and Francis Francy loves opera!"

Jill blinked in confusion as Wesker went on and on, almost breaking down. The black cat suddenly realized he was babbling, and quickly stopped. He cleared his throat, sitting up straight and looking calm.

"I apologize for that rant."

"It's…okay."

"Anyways, if Chris and Claire stop by and want to rip me to shreds still, can you please hide me and not say anything?"

"Well…"

"I will by you a new lock-picking set for Christmas!"

"Oh hell yeah! I mean…alright…sounds good."

"Great! I knew I could count on you!"

"Come and knock on our door…come and knock on our door…we've been for you…we've been waiting for you…where the kisses are hers and hers and his, Three's Company too!"

"What the hell?" Wesker snapped, whipping his head towards the television.

"Yay! I love this show!" Jill exclaimed, jumping up and down in her seat and clapping her hands together.

Wesker peered up at the master of unlocking with unease. She noticed his awkward stare, and she quickly cleared her throat and calmed down. "I mean…this show is pretty good."

_Oi…why me?_

There came knocking on her front door. Wesker's cat eyes grew large, and he peered at it as though Death itself with an arm full of jingly balls was going to come through that door. Jill smiled, getting up to go answer it.

"Who is it?" she called, smiling.

"Knock, knock!" came a familiar male's voice. Wesker cursed. It was Chris.

"Who's there?" Jill giggled.

"Knock, knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Chris, shut the hell up with the knock, knock jokes and go in!" Claire spat.

"Ouch! Okay!"

Jill opened the door to let them in. Wesker barely had enough time to dive under the couch into hiding. He heard them come into the house and walk over to the couch. Jill turned the hilarious commotion of Three's Company down so she could visit with her guests.

"Hey, you two! What brings you here?"

"I want to kiss you!" Chris barked, and then his eyes widened. Jill and Claire gawked at him. They missed the sound of a snickering cat. "I…I mean, I wanted to say hi! And…have you seen Wesker around anywhere?"

Jill quickly became nervous and sweaty. "Uh…uh…Wesker who?"

Wesker slapped himself in the head with his paw and grumbled lowly. He heard Chris grunt in surprise while Claire chuckled.

"Wesker…our Captain of S.T.A.R.S, Wesker…Wesker who got turned into a cat, Wesker."

"Oh…that Wesker…no friggin' idea!"

Claire was definitely suspicious. "Why are you so nervous and sweaty, Jill? And why is your eye twitching? And why are you smiling nervously? And why are you rubbing your hands nervously?"

"ALRIGHT! HE'S HERE! HE'S UNDER THE COUCH! I'M SORRY!! DON'T THROW ME IN JAIL! AND YES! IT WAS ME WHO ATE ALL OF THE CANDY IN EVERYONE'S STOCKINGS LAST CHRISTMAS! I WAS ON MY PERIOD AND CHOCOLATE WAS MY ONLY FRIEND!!!"

There was a long…long…moment of silence that hit them. Wesker was appalled by Jill's confession. Not only did she rat him out so early, she also ate his much anticipated Chocolate Cuckoos that he wanted so badly. He heard a cricket chirp a few times in the background before Jill broke down in tears.

"Hey! Whoa, whoa! Jill, it's okay!" Chris exclaimed, worry etched into his voice.

Wesker tried to peek out from under the couch to see what was going on, but then something suddenly grabbed his bent up tail. He was yanked backwards. The kitty instincts took over, and he stabbed his claws into the carpet. He was pulled all the way out by the tail, and out from under the couch. He glared behind him to see that it was Claire.

"Ouch! Let my tail go, you crazy woman!"

"It's payback time, you peeping tom!" Claire barked. She went to get the pink jingly ball, but the tiny package of catnip fell out instead from her pocket. The catnip poured all over Wesker's head.

"Oops!" Claire grunted, letting go of his tail.

Wesker didn't know what was happening to him. He suddenly felt very happy and alive. He couldn't stop the cat from purring, and he started rubbing all over the place. The smell was so good, and he felt as light as a feather.

"Wesker? Are you okay?" Chris asked, walking over.

"I think he's high," Claire giggled, and then received a glare from her brother.

"I have got to get a camcorder and put this on YouTube!" Jill laughed, sprinting away.

Wesker started laughing. "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog."

"And then what happens?" Chris asked.

Claire punched him in the side. "It's just a sentence that uses every letter of the alphabet."

"Oh."

"Cakes and pies! Cakes and pies!"

"Oh! Where?!"

"Chris! He's mental! Stop it! Oh, what have I done?! This is all my fault!"

Chris was shocked by his sister's words. "You can't feel bad! Gasp! You LIKE him, don't you?!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"He's a cat!"

"But you know he's a sexy man too!"

Claire glared at him. "Oh, no you didn't…"

"Oh, no I did!"

"Cakes and pies!" Wesker snorted, still rubbing his body along everything he could touch. "I'm in heaven! What is this stuff? Oh who cares?! Lalalalalalalala!!! Snozberries!!"

"Okay, I'm back with the recorder!" Jill yelled, trying to turn the thing on. "Damn! I'm out of batteries!"

Wesker was feeling way too good, but suddenly, a darkness started to come over him. He could feel the kitty instincts getting ready to burst into a ball of hellfire. He suddenly felt like being evil, and knocking things over and scratching people. He did just that too. Like a bat out of hell, he started a rampage around Jill's house, knocking over trinkets and dishes. When Chris, Claire, and Jill tried to catch him, he would gnaw and claw at their hands.

"He turned evil!" Chris barked. He pointed accusingly at his little sister. "This is all your fault! My captain is already evil enough, and you just made him worse! You broke his little kitty heart! Now fix it! Take him back!"

"You are the one who wanted to torture him with catnip and cat toys!" Claire snapped.

"Those friggin' girl cats are still out there yowling!" Jill grumbled. "I'm gonna throw a shoe at them!"

"Wait! Jill, no!" Chris and Claire yelled in unison.

Jill opened the front door to yell at the female cats. Wesker bolted right out of the house, running away with the queens tailing right behind him like fan girls. Jill bit her lip, smiling uneasily over at her friends. "Oops…hehehe…"

"We have to find him, let's go!" Claire ordered, heading for the door.

"Yeah! Let's go, Jill!"

* * *

**For all of you cat owners out there...the catnip part should make sense lol! Sweet and then BAM!!! Evil!!! I had a lot more planned for this chapter, but I wrote it out longer than I thought. That's okay...I will just put Leon and thermal underwear in the next chapter....0.o did I just say that out loud???? Doht!!! The 'Cakes and Pies' thing is an inside joke at work with my boss, I just felt like putting it in there cuz it's funny to me! Don't even get me started on snozberries...hehehehe...Oh, and the chapter name comes from a movie called 'That Darn Cat!'. Thanks for reading and reviewing!!! XD**


	8. Chapter 8: Cat's Pajamas

**Chapter 8: Cat's Pajamas**

_Ugh…my head…I feel like I have a hangover…_

Wesker groaned, opening his eyes. The light was sharp against his pupils and he drew away from it. He blinked his eyes slowly to get them adjusted, while at the same time trying to remember what the hell had happened to him. He couldn't remember anything past the point when Chris and Claire showed up at Jill's house.

_What the hell happened?_

Finally, his eyes adjusted to the light. He immediately regretted coming to when he realized where he was at. Wesker could feel his eye twitching in horror and he was thinking about vomiting as well. He was in someone's backyard garden, however, he wasn't alone. There were several female cats sleeping around him, purring and snuggling together.

_Holy Mother of Pearl! What the hell?!_

He leaped to his paws, opening his mouth to yell in classic freak-out mode. Instead of a human sound coming out of his mouth, a cat yowl came out, and all heads of the girl cats shot up. Wesker bailed for it out of horror, disgust, and confusion. He didn't even want to think about what happened in that situation while he was under the influence of catnip. All of the queens were on him like a pack of coyotes. Wesker ran and ran along the streets, trying to lose them. Every time he looked back and saw one, he would squeal in horror.

He suddenly realized he was in the heart of Raccoon City. Busy streets and tall buildings were starting to form around him. Many feet tried to step on him as he bailed his way through crowds just to make sure he had lost the female cats. Finally, Wesker had to slow to a stop to catch his breath.

"Aw, is the poor little kitty-cat out of breath? Here, come inside buddy."

Wesker had no time to see who was talking to him before he was scooped up by a man. He was carried into a nearby shop that Wesker noticed was called _Eddie's Underwear Everywhere_. Indeed, it truly was an underwear store. The man carrying Wesker sat him down onto the counter next to the cash register. Wesker looked around. The store was completely empty.

"Are you hungry?"

Wesker glanced up to the man that picked him up. He was somehow familiar to Wesker. The young man had awesome brown hair with blue eyes. He wore jeans, a normal shirt, and a brown leather jacket. The man sat down in his chair behind the counter and did a cool pose for a moment. He even winked at the black cat sitting before him. Wesker cocked his head in confusion.

"I'm sorry…who are you?" Wesker asked.

"Leon Scott Kennedy."

"Why do you have a random middle name? Why do you even say it? I mean…Leon Kennedy is much more formal."

"Who are you to tell me how to say my name?" Leon growled.

"Well, I am a talking cat."

"Yeah. That is true."

There was a moment of silence. Wesker glared at him. "And that doesn't bother you?"

"No. I talk to cats all the time."

"Huh?"

"I'm a Cat Whisperer, dude."

"Don't you dare call me dude again."

"Hey, do you like my hair?"

Wesker shook his head out of surprise and confusion. What a change of subject. "Your what?" His tail thrashed in agitation.

"My hair! Isn't it so freaking sexy and awesome? Watch this!" Leon exclaimed. He started to roll his head around. Wesker watched as time slowed to a dramatic scene of hair and music that came out of nowhere. He was mesmerized for a moment, and then Leon stopped and the spell was broken. "Cool, huh?"

"My hair is better than yours," Wesker snorted.

"You don't have hair…you have fur."

"No, I mean in my human form."

"Oh, sweet! You are a werecat?"

"No, I got turned into a cat!"

"Oh, that sucks. Sorry, dude."

Wesker looked around the underwear store, thoroughly agitated and confused. There were mannequins all over the store modeling all kinds of underwear. Wesker turned to Leon, who was looking at himself through a handheld mirror, and fixing his hair.

"Do you work here?"

"Oh yes! Welcome to _Eddie's Underwear Everywhere_! We have a 35% sale on all of the thermal underwear! You should totally get some!"

"Does it look like I can wear them to you?" Wesker growled.

"What's wrong? Cats buy them all the time. They make great blankets…or pajamas…Hahahaha, cat's pajamas! Get it?!"

"You've got to be kidding me."

"No, no I'm serious. An alley cat by the name of Captain Seven-Toes is one of our best customers actually."

"And what does he pay you with? Hairballs?" Wesker snorted, laughing at Leon's absurd story.

"Yeah, those make great meatballs in my mother's secret stew."

Wesker threw up in his mouth, in which a hairball fell out in the process. Leon's eyes widened and he quickly scooped up the mess and stuffed it into his pocket. Leon then stood up so he could grab some thermal underwear for Wesker. He sat the pair down by the cat, smiling to himself.

"Thank you! Come again!"

"And I wonder how you stay in business," Wesker mumbled, his whiskers twitching in annoyance.

"So, you got turned into a cat, huh?" Leon asked, leaning back in his chair. He took out his mirror again to check out his hair. "Let me guess…you have to do three good deeds in order to turn back…a ghost guy by the name of Francis Francy did this to you."

Wesker's cat pupils went from slits to plate size as he glared at Leon. "How did you know that?! Are you stalking me?!"

"Chill out, Mr. Cat. I had the same problem as you did at one time."

"Really? Oh, and my name is Wesker. Don't call me Mr. Cat again or I will claw your eyes out."

"Wesker? Sounds like Whisker…but you know…I have a bad feeling that the name Wesker is the name of a bad guy from some awesome video game series. I think that was his last name too. What was his first name again? Alberto? Alfalfa? Festus? Who knows?"

Wesker's eye twitched in agitation. "Will you get on about your explanation about my problem?!"

"Oh right, sorry. Um, where was I? Oh yeah! Francis Francy turned me into a dog, and I had to do three good deeds before the next full moon. Otherwise, I would have to stay a dog forever."

"Ah-huh, go on," Wesker persisted, getting to his paws.

"It was freaking awesome being a dog! I could go to the bathroom anywhere, eat whatever I want, bark, fart, scratch, bite, chase cars and cats…oh it was great! And best of all, he turned me into a dog with great hair!"

"A dog…with great hair?" Wesker grunted.

"Yeah, he turned me into a Golden Retriever! Man, I had some crazy golden locks as a dog! Anyways, as fun as it was, I didn't want to stay a dog forever, so I did my deeds and he turned me back. Now I work here at the world's best underwear store!"

The black cat cocked his head at Leon. "This cannot be your biggest goal in life, right? You don't wish to work in an underwear store for the rest of you life do you?"

Leon hung his head, sighing. "No…Actually, it's my dream to become a police officer at the Raccoon City Police Department!"

"You should go put in an application then. We hire insane people all the time. Why go to a police academy if we are just going to hire a bunch of clowns anyway?" Wesker snorted, tail thrashing.

"Really? Wow, that would be great! I have to fix my hair before we go!" Leon squealed. He then stopped and stared out towards the front of the shop, where the large windows showed cars and people going by. "Ooh! Pretty ladies with a weirdo guy acting like Superman…or is it Wonder Woman? No, wait it's Sherlock Holmes!"

"Huh?" Wesker turned around to face the windows at the front of the shop. He saw Chris with the Sherlock Holmes outfit leading the way with a magnifying glass. Claire and Jill were talking as they followed on behind him. They were passing by so casually, that Wesker was sure they were going to miss him. He felt relieved, but then suddenly, Claire's head shot over to look inside the underwear store. Their eyes locked, and Wesker immediately knew he was in trouble. And this time, underwear couldn't save him.

"Uh-oh."

Claire barged into the store, Jill and Chris right behind her. Before anyone could say or do anything, the 'love at first sight' theme suddenly came on out of nowhere and started playing. They all looked around, wondering where it was coming from, and then noticed that Leon was ogling over Claire. Claire rolled her eyes and walked over to Leon and Wesker.

"Wesker, there you are! We have been looking all over for you! Who is this?"

"I'm Leon Scott Kennedy! Man, you're pretty! What's your name? Please tell me your name!"

Claire gave a puzzled look. "What's up with the random middle name?"

"Don't you even think about hitting on my little sister or I will pummel your ass!" Chris barked a few feet away. He then snickered and whispered to Jill. "I always wanted to say that!"

"My name is Claire," she said, glaring back at her older brother. "I'm just here to retrieve my man-cat. Thank you for taking care of him."

Leon's eye twitched in excitement. "We have a 35% sale on thermal underwear! Hi Claire! See my hair? Watch this!"

Again with the slow, dramatic scene of hair tousling. The music played along with it until Leon stopped, and everyone was wiped from the spell. Chris's mouth had fallen agape from awe.

"Wow…that was epic!"

Claire blinked. "Hi Leon. I like you."

Jill was the only one unfazed by the spell. She shook her head while folding her arms. She had to end up slapping Chris in the face to turn him straight. Chris snapped out of it, rubbing his cheek.

Wesker's fur bristled. "Hey! Don't like him! He is a total nutcase!"

"I like the random middle name. It suits you perfectly," Claire laughed.

"Thanks. I thought so myself!"

The black cat was going unnoticed. He bent his ears back, tail thrashing in agitation. "Hello! I'm down here! Claire!"

"Huh? Yeah?"

"It's me…you know…Wesker in hopeless cat form!"

"Oh, right! Sorry Leon, but I have to save my man slash cat slash brother's boss slash bastard slash sexy slash misfit. We can talk later."

Leon seemed confused. "That's a lot of slashes…"

"Thanks for the thermal underwear suckers!" Chris laughed, having successfully stolen the underwear on the counter. He was running out of the store, out onto the street laughing maniacally. Jill quickly went after him.

"Uhh, see you later, Leon!" Claire grunted. She scooped up Wesker in her arms before he could react and was running out of the door after her brother and Jill. Leon watched them go in horror.

"No, don't go! Ada…I mean Claire, wait!"

***

_Phew. I am so glad to get out of there. That Leon Scott Kennedy was a real…piece of work. Uh-oh, Claire is giving me that look again. What now?_

"I'm sorry for dumping catnip on you. But you deserved it. I accept you apology too, by the way, Albert."

Wesker glared up at her, still in Claire's arms. "My apology?! I didn't even apologize! I don't need to! You and Chris are crazy!"

"You're the one trying to peek up my towel after I got out of the shower!" Claire barked.

"I was only seeking refuge from Chris! He was trying to kill me with a fuzzy pink ball!"

Jill and Chris slowed to a stop as the argument got worse. People were walking by with crazed looks as they watched Claire have a heated debate with a black cat in her arms. They saw Claire's eye twitching dramatically, and there was steam filtering from her ears.

"Apologize! Damn you! Stupid man-cat!" Claire snarled. She started shaking Wesker violently in her hands. The cat was whipped her and there, receiving horrible whiplash from the crazy young lady.

"Aw! They like each other!" Jill giggled.

Chris slowly cocked his head. "Really? I never want to get married then."

People were eying Claire with horror now. They were watching animal abuse in person. Claire was ranting on about nothing while shaking the cat like a mad woman. She then realized there were lots of people staring at her, along with a very angry animal control officer.

"Oh…uh," Claire gulped, slowly bringing a drunk Wesker to her chest. She smiled while laughing nervously. She patted the black cat on the head. "He…he was uh…choking…I had to make sure my precious kitty was going to be alright."

Embarrassed, Claire turned to Chris, and the four of them escaped afterwards. Just to get her back, Wesker barfed on Claire's favorite vest.

"Ew! Gross! You jerk!"

"You are…lucky…I am…a cat…right now…bleh," Wesker groaned.

* * *

**Lmao, I really had fun with this chapter! Sorry it is a little short, but I didn't want to drag it out too much! Don't worry, I don't hate Leon. He is one of my favorite characters, it is just fun to make...well fun....of him, hehehehe!!! Who knows, maybe Claire will get thrown in jail for animal cruelty. I really do think Wesker will have whiplash, the poor dear...lol just joking he deserves it!!! Next chapter will be all about Good Deed Number 2!!!!!! How will grumpy Wesker-kitty be able to pull another good deed off, you ask? Well, you will just have to wait and see....And let's hope that Chris, Claire, Jill, William, Annette, Sherry, and STARS will not make it worse!!! Okay, let's wish that they do!!! XD**


	9. Chapter 9: Good Deed No2

**Chapter 9: Good Deed No.2**

Wesker sighed in boredom as Claire, Jill, and Chris argued what they were going to do to help Wesker. He watched as Chris's Felix the Cat clock hung up on the wall, ticking away. Felix's eyes bounced back and forth, and his tail swished side to side by each tick of the clock. It was so annoying and so mesmerizing and so creepy all at the same time. Wesker just couldn't look away. His feline eyes were locked onto the moving pieces, tranced by something unknown.

"I vote we take him to a nursing home!" Claire barked.

"No, it seems more logical to take him to Wal-Mart! There are lots and lots of troubled souls there!" Jill put in.

"How about we sell him for lots and lots of money as the world's first talking cat!" They gawked at Chris in horror. Chris blinked in confusion, scratching his head and then smiling as sweet as he could muster. "I mean…ahem…ah…How about we take him to KFC? Or Taco Bell? Or McDonalds? Or Sonic?"

"What?" Claire and Jill asked, confused.

"I'M FREAKING HUNGRY, DAMMIT!"

"Calm down, Chris! We can get some food!" Jill retorted, putting up her hands to try and calm Chris.

"Aw, look! He's bored!" Claire gasped, pointing down to kitty Wesker.

She quickly grabbed a piece of yarn that came out of nowhere and started to drag it along the floor. Wesker watched on intently, his paws twitching.

"No! Stop it! I'm not bored!" Wesker wailed.

"Yes, you are!"

"Please! You are torturing me!"

"Then this is what you get for not apologizing to me!" Claire laughed evilly.

Wesker pounced, trying to grab at the yarn. Claire dragged it along the carpet, letting the black cat chase it like it was the best damn thing in the world. Claire giggled and giggled, dangling it in the air, and pulling it over furniture.

"I can't stop myself! Quit it!" Wesker barked.

"But this is so much fun!"

The doorbell rang at the front door. Chris looked at it, wondering who it could be. Jill and Claire, who had been absorbed in the whole 'torture kitty Wesker with a piece of yarn mission', turned to face the door.

Chris answered it, and they saw a short man with dark colored robes and clothes on. He had a hood over his head, and a scarf covered the lower half of his face. His bright eyes beheld them with much interest, and they swore he was grinning behind the cloth.

"Hey there, stranger."

"What the hell? Who are you?"

"Are you interested in purchasing any goods, stranger?"

"My name is Chris, and what are you doing here? Are you some kind of businessman going from home to home selling your junk? Well, I'm not interested in any of your stupid little things, so go away!"

"How about you take a gander, and see if you catch anything to your fancy, eh stranger?"

"It's Chris!"

The man grabbed his cloak and pulled it away, letting them see into his arsenal of awesome weapons and random treasures. It would have been cool, expect for the fact that the man wore nothing but boxers underneath. Chris was horrified.

"Ack! What the?! Are your crazy?! Put some damn clothes on, you pervert!" Chris spat, slamming the door shut.

The women were laughing wildly behind him. Chris trembled in disgust, knowing he was going to have horrible nightmares from the sight. It didn't help that Claire and Jill wouldn't stop laughing either.

"Yuck! I think I just threw up in my mouth!"

"I have something for that, stranger!"

"GO AWAY!" Chris roared, kicking the front door.

Wesker paid no attention. He killed that piece of yarn like there was no tomorrow. Claire, Jill, and Chris watched as he clawed and chewed and tossed the yarn everywhere. He finally tired himself out, and the little piece of yarn was torn to shreds.

"Did I miss something?" Wesker asked, ears pricking forward in curiosity.

"Just some weirdo in his briefs with a whole arsenal of weapons that wouldn't stop calling me stranger," Chris grumbled, folding his arms.

"That's strange."

"So, are we going to the nursing home?"

"Wal-Mart!"

"Not this again! Ladies! Please!"

Wesker rolled his eyes as the argument broke out again. He decided that it would probably be best just to leave them and go back to William's house. He would need to hurry before it got dark. Wesker didn't want to get stuck outside when night came. There was no telling of all the crazy things that were out there stalking the suburbs in the dark. He sneaked past the arguing three, and slipped through the cracked window.

He trotted down the sidewalk, heading for William's house. There was no way Wesker was going to a nursing home. There was no way he was going to Wal-Mart either. That was the hellhole of doom, and he didn't want to get sucked in. The black cat was just going to mind his business as he strolled the suburbs, but then something caught his eyes and ears.

Curious, Wesker padded across the street to see what the tall, athletic man was doing. He seemed familiar somehow, but Wesker brushed it off. The man was ripped with muscles, wearing a tight gray shirt and camo pants. His blonde hair was neat and clean, along with his face. His blue eyes were evil and wild. He played with a wicked looking knife while he danced and sang some kind of song. Oh, yeah…Wesker recognized it as Black Betty. He was pretending he was kicking the nearby tree's ass…er trunk…

"I sure hope you have a day job," Wesker snickered, sitting on his haunches and curling his tail around.

"What? Who said that? No one speaks those kinds of words to Jack Krauser!" Krauser looked all over, until he finally looked down and saw the black cat. "Aw! What a cute kitty!"

Wesker then saw him bring up his boot. Wesker freaked, leaping out of the way before the boot could crush him to cement. Laughing maniacally, Krauser came after him with the knife. Cursing, the cat started running away.

_Is this guy nuts?! He's trying to kill me!_

Wesker looked over his shoulder as he galloped away. The staggering man was keeping up. Wesker was going to have to move his paws faster. He collided into something solid. The force took him down.

"Ow! What the hell?" Wesker growled, looking up.

He saw Leon Scott Kennedy sitting Indian style on the sidewalk, looking all over with a soft, breezy smile and lost eyes. Wesker was confused on why the underwear man would be here, in the middle of the suburbs. Leon looked down.

"Hello, talking cat! How are you?"

"I'm trying to get away from a crazy guy with a knife who is trying to kill me! Get out of the way!"

Krauser's pummeling footsteps came crashing upon them. Leon's eyes widened in horror upon seeing the hulk of a man with a wicked knife and a gleam to his eyes. He jumped to his feet and started to run with Wesker.

"Holy crap! He's scary!"

"I didn't even do anything to him!" Wesker cried.

"Wait a minute! Why am I running? I must defend the innocent!"

"Are you nuts?! He will pummel you into pudding!"

Leon ignored Wesker's words, skidding to a halt to turn around and face Krauser. The black cat hid behind Leon's legs, peeking out to look up at the scary fellow. Leon glared at Krause with all of his might, trying to look intimidating.

"Look, kid. Do you want me to cut off your testicles? Move out of the way so I can cut open that cat!"

Leon gulped. "No, wait a second Mr…?"

"Krauser."

"Mr. Krauser…you can't just go around and threaten people all the time. It's not very nice," Leon stated.

Wesker slapped himself in the head with his paw. _What an idiot! Does he think that's going to convince him to stop?!_

"Get out of the way or I am going to be the crap out of you…literally," Krauser threatened, smirking evilly.

"No! I will defend the innocent!"

Leon was grabbed by the throat. Krauser picked him up off of the ground like he weighed two pounds. Leon's eyes widened in horror. He even turned white as a ghost. Krauser started to laugh like a crazy old villain from a cartoon.

"What's wrong, little man? You scared?"

"Yes…can I please go to the bathroom before you beat me up? I don't want to pee my pants while you do so. It would be embarrassing," Leon answered, smiling meekly.

"The hell you can't! I'm gonna beat the crap out of you now!"

"Wait! Uhh…watch this!" Leon cried. He started flipping and tousling his hair once more. The slow motion effect came in, along with the dramatic music. Wesker dropped his jaw as he watched.

Krauser blinked in confusion, as if caught by a storm of shock and magic. He then shook his head, and glared even harder at Leon. He tightened his grip around the younger man's throat and laughed bitterly.

"Is that all you got, twinkle toes?! Now I am _really _going to kick your ass!"

_I better help this poor loser!_

Just before Krauser could pull back his fist to punch Leon, the black cat leaped to the air. Wesker latched onto Krauser's face, hissing and yowling like a demon feline. Krauser started crying out. He dropped Leon, in which the underwear store clerk fell to his butt. He watched in surprise as Wesker slashed and bit at Krauser's face while the large man tried to rip him off.

"Get it off! Get it off!" Krauser yelled.

Leon got to his feet, rushing over. "Okay, okay! Calm down! Both of you!"

Krauser stopped trying to tear the cat off of his face. Wesker remained wrapped on the man's face. He let Leon grab him and pull him off. Krauser felt his face, feeling the burn from the cuts. Leon pulled out his little mirror he used to fix his hair to let Krauser see. Krauser looked at himself in the mirror. His face was all cut up and bloody. He wiped the blood off with his arm.

"My beautiful face! That evil cat scarred my beautiful face!" Krauser cried.

"Well, you shouldn't be such a bully! Maybe this will make you think next time before you beat the crap out of someone," Leon said, nodding in triumph.

He had no time to think before Krauser grabbed a hold of him and started beating him up anyway. Wesker watched on curiously, wincing at each blow. Finally, Krauser left Leon and the cat alone to go fix his face. Leon sat down on the sidewalk, catching his breath and poking his black eye.

"What are you doing out here, anyway?" Wesker asked, tail lashing in annoyance.

"I was trying to find Claire. She is so pretty!"

This agitated Wesker for some reason. "What? Well, you won't have any luck here. Go back to the city."

"B-But!"

"Hey there," came a seductive voice.

The two of them looked over to see a Chinese-American woman in a red dress. She smiled down at them with a twinkle in her eye. Leon's smile went from normal to that of a really, really excited little boy.

"Have you seen a tall man in camo pants around here? A bit crazed and cranky?"

"Uh, yeah. He went that way. My cat ripped his face open."

"That's nice. See ya around."

She started to walk down the street, towards the area where Krauser retreated to. Leon jumped to his feet. He ran after her.

"Ada, wait!"

"How do you know that's her name?" Wesker grumbled.

"I have no idea! Ada, wait!"

"What?" Ada growled.

Wesker watched as the two started walk off together. Ada smiled at Leon, bending down to remove a manhole with a crowbar she had on hand. She and Leon looked down it for a moment, and then Wesker watched as Ada knocked Leon in. The poor fellow fell down the manhole while Ada waved down at him. She then went on her merry way.

_O…kay…Note to self…Never mess with this Ada woman. Alright, moving on to William's!_

Wesker kept to the sidewalk, knowing he still had a couple of blocks to go to get to William's house. If you think he is going to make it there without further complications, then you are sadly wrong. Just as he was coming to the intersection of the next block, he noticed that it looked as if a tornado had passed through. The black cat paused, surprised to see this damage that had seemingly come out of nowhere. He then saw Barry sprawled out in the middle of the road.

_Oh no…not the crazy sandwich worshipper…_

Wesker trotted over to Barry, where he found the older man mumbling to himself and blinking in confusion. His hands grabbed at invisible beings above his head, and he giggled like an infant as he did so.

"Barry? Barry, are you alright? It is me, Captain Wesker."

"Club? No…BLT? No…How about a Reuben. Not interested. Philly Steak and cheese? Probably…Oh, how about Peanut Butter and Jelly? So classic!"

Wesker drew back, eye twitching in nervousness. "Uh…Barry?"

"Wesker butter and Jill Jelly…yum…"

"Okay, you are seriously freaking me out now, Barry. As your commanding officer, I demand you to sit up and get out of the road! Did you do all of this damage as Hulk running amok?"

"Chris Fish Sandwich, tee-hee! Crispy Chickenheart…oh, and-"

Wesker slapped Barry across the face with his paw. Barry blinked, and then his eyes came to focus. Grunting, he sat up, looking around and gawking in horror.

"Holy Mother of Sandwiches! What the hell happened?! Did I do this?!"

"Yes, Barry. I hate to break it to you, but…You are freaking insane!! You need a psychiatrist, dammit!"

"But I don't wanna!" Barry cried.

"Look at the damage you are doing! You need to fix yourself before you permanently become Hulk Barry! Sandwiches are running your life! They are making your decisions, not you! Free yourself from the buns of deception and the cheese of discontent! Throw away the ham of hallucination and the turkey of manipulation! Do it now! And especially get rid of the mayo of addiction! Be a man!" Wesker roared.

"Yeah! You are right! I am going to a sandwich psychiatrist right now! Thanks, Captain Wesker! You brought the truth to my eyes. I never knew how sandwiches were ruining my life!"

Barry got to his feet, dusting himself off. He then waved down at his kitty-fied Captain, and started to run down one of the streets, heading for his twisted destination. Wesker watched him go, hoping that Barry was truly going for help for his sandwich disorder.

_All of this drama is making me hungry. I better get to William's!_

"Hello there, my good friend!"

Wesker yelped, leaping out of his skin as Francis Francy popped up out of nowhere. He glared up at the ghost man that looked too much like young James Marcus.

"Don't you freaking do that! You scared me half to death!"

"Only half?" Francis giggled. "You shouldn't worry. Cats have nine lives, isn't that right?"

Wesker let out a long, stressful sigh. "What do you want?"

"Well, I came to talk to you about your second good deed. But if you don't want to talk, I understand. I will merely forget this moment, and let you do your second deed again!"

"No, no! Wait, I was just kidding!" Wesker barked, faking laughter.

"That's what I thought, Whisker."

"Wesker."

"Yeah, I know. Whisker."

"Whatever, so how did I do?"

"Well, you see…I was going to count you helping that Leon fellow as a deed, but he still ended up getting beat up and you just sat there watching. You helped Barry realize his disorder though, and gave him the push he needed to go seek salvation. For that, I congratulate you for your second deed! Yay!"

Francis Francy did a little jig dance for his excitement. To his horror, the black cat tried to look away for a moment. He then grumbled to himself, tail thrashing in annoyance, and looked back up to the ghost man.

"So, you are saying that if I would have prevented Leon from getting beat up-"

"And being pushed down a manhole."

Wesker rolled his eyes. "And being pushed down a manhole…that would have been another deed. That would have made it three deeds?"

"Correcto mundo!"

"Dammit! That stupid man with awesome hair ruined it all!"

Francis Francy put his hands on his hips. "Are you blaming others over your own mistakes? That isn't very nice, mister! You know, I can take away that second good deed if I wanted to."

"No, don't! I was only joking!"

Francis snorted loudly, waving at Wesker like he was a kidder. "You are so funny sometimes, ya know that?! Well, I am gonna randomly disappear in mid-air now. Good luck on your last good deed!"

Before Wesker could say anything, the weirdo ghost man disappeared in front of the cat with a cloud of mist. Poof! He was gone!

_Good thank you! Now, on to William's! I will be a man again in no time, haha!_

_

* * *

_

**Whoop! I hope all of you had a wonderful Turkey Day! I am still stuffed! Lol! I meant to upload this last Sunday, but I was bad sick! Bleh! I got over it just in time for Thanksgiving, thank goodness! So, Good Deed Number 2 is finally done! Hooray for kitty Wesker! Only one more to go, but oh so much trouble just to get there! We all know we got William, Annette, Sherry, Chris, Claire, Jill, etc etc etc that is just gonna bug the hell outta Wesker! Krauser and Ada? Well, they might come back around. As for Leon...you just never know with that guy! And Francis Francy...he is starting to freak me out a little bit, lol just joking! Thank you so much for all the reviews of this fun story! I am really having so much fun with it, and I am glad that all of you are enjoying it as well! Thank you! XD**


	10. Chapter 10: Hello Wesker!

**Chapter 10: Hello Wesker!**

The black cat was relieved to have made it to the Birkin house without much more delay. He had made good time, for he still had an hour before dark. He was in luck! William was outside watering the plants. Wesker ran up to his partner, tail sticking straight up.

"Will! Down here!"

William beheld him with an evil glare. "Oh, yeah, I see. Now that you had enough of that Claire girl, now you come back to me. Well, I see where this is going, and I'm not falling for it!"

"What? No, you idiot! I just got my second deed! Now all I need is one more!"

"Really?! That's awesome! I hope we can find it fast, because, I hate to tell you this, but talking to a cat is starting to make me feel really messed up in the head."

"You are messed up in the head," Wesker grumbled.

"Hey, am not."

"You create biological weapons for a living."

"Oh, yeah! So, how about that nursing home?" William chuckled.

"What is up with you and Claire about that damn nursing home?" Wesker growled, tail thrashing in agitation. Before William could say his next opinion, Wesker interrupted him again. "No Wal-Mart either!"

"Wow, how did you guess? Well, they wouldn't allow animals anyway…unless you are a service animal. Oh! That's a great idea! How about we make you into the first ever Seeing Eye Cat?!"

The black cat glared up at his partner dully. "If I was still a man, I would punch you in the face."

"You can simply turn the idea down, ya know, geez."

"Any other brilliant ideas?"

"I created the G-Virus yesterday! It turns humans into horrible, mutant, flesh-eating monsters!"

"I am talking about for my problem now."

"Well, we can go to a bank and wait for a robbery…then you can beat the hell outta the robber and be the savior of the bank!"

"William! Dinner time!" came Annette's voice.

"Yes, dear! Can we discuss this after chow time?"

Wesker hung his head. "Yes. If you do not think of any ideas tonight, then you are driving me to work tomorrow."

"Yes, because cats can't drive, that's just plain silly."

"I'm going to beat the hell out of you when I turn back."

***

"Will, slow down!"

"Why? I am going the speed limit!"

Wesker didn't understand why he was so nauseas. William was driving pretty normal compared to what he normally did, yet Wesker felt compelled to puke all over William's McDonald's breakfast. William grinned while he took a bite out of his egg McMuffin.

"I'm telling you…McDonald's is on its way to owning the world. If you want to rule the world, you might as well own McDonalds," William chuckled.

"What the…are you high?!"

"No!"

The black cat dug his claws into his seat, praying that his stop would soon come. He didn't ever remember the R.P.D being so far away. He tried to look out the window to help ease his senses, but only saw moving trees and houses going by.

"Hey, there's that granny you saved the other day! Should I run her over? Maybe she would be considered 100 points."

"You are insane! Hurry up and get to the police station!" Wesker barked.

"Hey, hey, hey!! Albert!"

"What?" Wesker snarled.

William slammed on his brakes. The car squealed and jerked forward in a sudden stop. Wesker was flung out of his seat into the dashboard. The black cat crumbled to the floor. William started laughing and put on the gas to make the vehicle start moving again.

"Brake check!"

"That's it!" Wesker howled. He leaped onto William's face. William yowled out in pain, swerving the wheel while trying to rip the black cat off of his face. Cars were honking and swerving out of the way, and people dove out of the way. Finally, William crashed into water hydrant in front of the R.P.D. This time, Wesker got off of his friend and back onto the passenger seat. Water came gushing out of the ground like a geyser, and William knew he was in trouble.

"You did that on purpose!"

"Well, that's what you get for slamming me into the dashboard," Wesker growled. "Now, be here at lunch time to pick me up! Don't forget!"

The black cat jumped out of the window of the crashed vehicle. William waved him off, and then noticed the very angry police officers and staring people. Wesker weaved and padded his way through police officers and made it upstairs to the S.T.A.R.S office. The Alpha Team was there waiting for him. Only Barry was missing due to his sandwich ordeal.

Wesker also noticed that Bravo Team was here. The S.T.A.R.S office was crammed with both teams, and Wesker was wondering why both teams were working at the same time.

"What is going on? Enrico, why is Bravo Team here? You guys work night shifts!" Wesker barked.

"Sorry, Captain Kitty, err I mean Captain Wesker, but Chief Irons wants us to work until you get turned back. So, here we are."

There wasn't much work going on. Forest and Joseph were arm wrestling. Chris and Jill were playing ping pong. Edward and Kenneth were playing cards. Brad was hiding under his desk in utter fear for some reason…oh…there was a yellow chicken plush on his desk…maybe that was what it was. Richard was trying to coax poor Chickenheart out, and Rebecca was collecting some odd looking green plants. All of them were chowing down on donuts like cops in rush hour.

It was good to see that Chris and Jill showed up without Claire. Wesker sure as hell didn't need the distraction, especially now that his unit had been reduced to playing like a bunch of baboons. Before Wesker could lose his temper, he saw the small ping pong ball flying back and forth across the desk. The black cat quickly became interested, and Wesker tried to fight the feline instincts. The only proof came that showed that he had tried to fight was a small, nerving eye twitch.

"I got it!" Wesker hollered, dive bombing the small, plastic ball.

Just as he was successful at taking that little ball down, he felt something hard slap his head. The cat yelped, letting go of the ball. Wesker whirled around to see Jill gawking at him with her ping pong pad. She gave him a smile, and slowly moved the pad behind her back.

"Did you just hit me with that?" Wesker growled.

"No…"

"Yes, she did too, Captain!" Joseph called.

"Hey! Stop tattle telling on Jill!" Chris barked.

"I'm sorry, Captain! It was an accident!" Jill exclaimed.

Wesker sat down on his haunches, tail thrashing in agitation. He moved his paw up to rub the top of his head. There was a large knot forming just between his ears.

"That hurt, you know. But you stopped the feline instincts, and I thank you for that."

"Captain Wesker is hurt?!" Rebecca howled, jumping up with herbs in her hands.

And like an NFL team player, Ms. Chambers rushed for Wesker like there was no tomorrow. The young medic clicked this little button that was on her vest, and little red lights started flashing. A small siren mimicking an ambulance played from her vest. Once she reached the cat, she turned it off, and sat down next to him.

"Okay, let's get started," she said.

"What? No, I'm fine," Wesker replied, shaking his head.

"I SAID LET'S GET STARTED!!! DON'T MAKE ME STRAP YOU DOWN AND PUT YOU TO SLEEP!!"

Wesker made himself smaller. He had no idea that Rebecca Chambers was nuts. He looked around for help, but both Alpha and Bravo were stunned and frightened. They started whistling and looking elsewhere, slowly going back to what they were doing before.

"Head injuries can be serious, you know," Rebecca said, lightly pushing on Wesker's bump.

"Ouch…tell me about it."

"Hey, you could be the next Hello Kitty, you know that?" Rebecca laughed.

"Hello what?"

"Hello Kitty!" Rebecca giggled. "I love Hello Kitty!"

"Oh, me too! Me too!" Brad laughed, poking his head out of under his desk. He then saw the pink chicken, and quickly retreated back under.

"Yeah, Hello Kitty rocks!" Forest yelled. The men looked at him strangely. "Uhh…for girls, I mean…hehehe…"

"Yeah, he could be called Hello Wesker!" Enrico laughed. The men followed on behind him in laughter.

"Hello Wesker!" Chris exclaimed, turning red from lack of oxygen.

"I got a tattoo of Hello Kitty on my right cheek! Do'ya wanna see?" Rebecca asked the black cat, grinning evilly.

"No!!!" Wesker yowled.

"We do! We do!" all the men yelled, putting their hands up in the air like children.

Jill slapped her forehead, shaking her head. She then noticed Chris in the crowd of men. As soon as Chris noticed Jill's look of pure evil, he slowly lowered his hand and moved out of the crowd of drooling men.

"I was just joking."

"Here, Captain Wesker, eat this," Rebecca said.

Before Wesker could stop her, Rebecca shoved the green herb into his mouth. The black cat tried to fight it, but the crazy medic girl just beat him back down. Wesker reluctantly swallowed the nasty plant. He shook in disgust, trying not to make himself puke it back up. He glared back up at Rebecca.

"What the hell was that for?! This is the 21st century for crying out loud! You do not have to make me eat a damn plant!"

"Do you want me to shove a red one down your throat?" Rebecca asked cutely.

"No, no! The green one is fine!"

"I also got blue!"

_I need to get the hell…wow that bump on my head no longer hurts. That little green plant really did help!_

"Aw, you must be feeling better! Your eyes are dilating!" Rebecca laughed.

"Isn't that bad?" Jill asked.

"No, it just means that he is feeling really, really good…oh…he just passed out. Uh-oh…"

***

Wesker groaned, his eyes fluttering open. He had so many dreams; he didn't know what to make of them. All he could remember were green plants, magic carpets, lots of 70s styled hallucinations, and maybe a dancing chicken.

"Hello Wesker!"

"Bah!" Wesker yelped, jumping to his paws. Chris was grinning in his face. His eyes came to focus, and Wesker realized he was back at Chris's house.

"I gave you mouth to mouth to bring you back to life!" Chris cheered. "I am the hero!"

"What?!" Wesker hissed. He started hacking and spitting.

"Just kidding! I got you though!" Chris laughed.

"Will you leave him alone before he has another heart attack?" Claire grumbled, coming over and sitting down on the couch next to the black cat.

"Okay, okay," her brother sighed, standing up. "Is there more pizza in there?"

"Yes. And you better save some for Jill! She is on her way!"

"Yay!"

Claire turned back to Wesker. Wesker felt better now. The bump on his head was gone, and he no longer felt like he was…well, high. He looked up at Claire.

"What in the world did that crazy girl give me?"

"She gave you an herb that is poisonous to cats. It works wonders on humans…but not so much on…well, you."

"I need back in my own body…this is absurd! I am not a cat!"

"Just one more deed, right?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"I talked to William. He says you owe him a new car, and he sent the bill for the broken water hydrant to you."

"That mongrel! He is the one who slammed on his brakes and threw me into the dashboard!"

"Well, he is home now. I figured it would be best if you stayed with us…and William agreed," Claire stated.

"Only because he knew I would scratch him up!"

Claire laughed. "That, and he knew you would have thought it was him drugging you again or something like that."

The doorbell rang. Since Chris was in the kitchen getting pizza, Claire just called for the person to enter. Jill came in with a large batch of brownies.

"I got brownies for our dessert! This is gonna be an awesome movie night!" she greeted. She then noticed her kitty-fied Captain. "Hello Wesker!"

Wesker slung his head. "Oi, I need my man body."

* * *

**Lol, another semi-short chapter, but that is okay! Don't ask me where the Hello Kitty idea came from, it just popped into my crazy head! Oh, and the "Brake Check!" thing that William did to Wesker...a friend of mine does that to me whenever I least expect it while I am riding with him, lol. I figured I could have Wesker endure the same thing for once, just because I felt like it, lol. So, kitty Wesker is back with Chris and Claire. That always means more trouble, but then again, so does William, Annette, and Sherry!! And don't worry, Leon is fine! He will crawl outta that hole next chapter!! Thank you for enjoying!! XD**


	11. Chapter 11: Kitty Napped!

**Chapter 11: Kitty Napped!**

Wesker was knocked out after the third movie. The cat snored along with Chris on the couch while Jill and Claire stayed up to chit chat and clean up. They laughed at the men as their snoring filled the whole living room.

"Apparently they didn't get enough _Face Eating Werewolf _or _Evil Weasel of Doom_," Claire chuckled.

"Yeah, I guess _Goody Girlfriend_ was too much for them. You know how men are…they just can't watch romantic comedies," Jill agreed.

The doorbell rang, waking both Wesker and Chris. Claire answered the door, but no one was there. She shut it, mildly confused. She looked at the time. It was almost midnight.

"Who the hell is ringing doorbells at midnight?" Jill grumbled.

"Not me! Must be those damn prankers again!" Chris exclaimed, yawning.

The black cat got to his paws. He jumped down off of the couch and started to head for the bedrooms. He heard thundering footsteps behind him. Wesker looked over his shoulder just in time to see Chris dive bomb him.

The cat leaped out of surprise, yelping out, but it was too late. Splat! All Wesker could feel was pain as Chris climbed off of him. The girls were crying they were laughing so hard.

"What the hell was that for? You could've killed me!" Wesker hissed.

"I had to stop you from going into Claire's room! Don't even think about it you evil tom cat! You are sleeping on the couch tonight!" Chris replied, giving him the evil brother look.

"Whatever, but I am writing you up for that little stunt!" Wesker huffed, trotting back towards the couch.

"Well, I better get going. I will see you guys tomorrow! Don't worry, Wesker! We will help you get your last deed tomorrow!" Jill laughed.

"Goodie," Wesker mumbled, eye twitching.

Jill hugged Claire and Chris and then left out the front door. Claire locked it behind her. They then headed off to bed, leaving Wesker alone on the couch in the dark. The black cat curled, getting comfortable. Just as he was falling asleep, the knocking came on the door. Wesker raised his head, ears pricking forward.

"What the hell?"

The window started knocking in the kitchen a moment later. Then another minute passed and the living room window started knocking. All Wesker could see was a dark figure outside moving around.

"William, that better not be you, or I am going to personally kill you when I turn back," Wesker grumbled.

He trotted his way over to the nearest window. The cat leaped onto the window seal, looking out into night of sleeping suburbia. The movement and knocking ceased to continue. Wesker put his paws up on the glass, trying to get a better picture. Suddenly, a silhouette slammed into the glass. Wesker yelped out, fur standing out to its maximum as he sped for the bedrooms. He leaped onto Claire's bed, trying to land on where her body wasn't so he wouldn't wake her. His sense was just a little off, and he crashed landed on her face.

"What the hell, Wesker? I'm trying to sleep!" she grumbled.

"That's no way to talk to a superior officer! I'm older and smarter than you so don't give me lip!"

"Right now, I am a human and you are a cat. Got that? That means I can kick your furry ass to Holland and back. You don't have squat over me right now."

Wesker was going to make a nasty remark, but then found himself speechless. He grumbled something low, tail thrashing. Claire gave a smirk of victory.

"Now, if you want to be good, then you can sleep on that chair over there. If I wake up and find you on my bed, then I will be forced to castrate you…and it would be perfectly easy to do that while you are still a cat."

"Fine," Wesker grumbled. "But it is better than out there. There's a zombie or something outside that keeps knocking on the window."

Claire sighed. "Okay, no more catnip for you."

"I'm serious!"

"Maybe it's your Francis Francy ghost friend."

"No, he just pops up beside you."

"Okay, 'fraidy cat, go to sleep!" Claire grumbled.

***

Wesker walked with Claire out into the living room the following morning. The black cat watched as the younger Redfield went into the kitchen to start breakfast. Wesker sighed, feeling his stomach growl with hunger. He heard footsteps behind him. Wesker turned and looked up at Chris, who was still in his boxers and white t-shirt. He did, however, also have a peculiar set of sunglasses on.

"Morning, Captain!"

"Are those my sunglasses?" Wesker growled.

"Yep! That William guy handed them over to me. He also gave me your cell phone! You have been getting lots and lots of calls from weird people."

"What?! You have been answering my calls?!"

"No, relax! You haven't been getting any calls, sheesh. And if you would have, I wouldn't have answered them. I'm not that nosy!" Chris snorted. "Unless it was from some evil pharmaceutical company doing biological experiments and calling you because you are working for them…but we all know that's not true, right Captain?"

They heard Claire burst out in laughter in the kitchen. She came out with a spatula and an apron on. "Yeah, you not nosy? That's exactly why you had your face to my bedroom door listening to my conversation with Wesker last night."

"You did what?" Wesker growled, whipping his head back to Chris and pinning his ears back.

"I did not! Okay, I did, but it was only to make sure that Wesker wasn't trying anything with you."

Claire gave him a dull look. "Really? As a cat? Maybe if he was still a man, yes, but a cat?"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Chris grumbled.

"Please remove my sunglasses from your unsanitary face," Wesker sighed.

"Oh, relax. My brother has an inner child. Let him have some fun," Claire said as she went back for the kitchen.

Chris snickered down at the cat. He slicked back his hair, trying to be cool, and then spun around on the hardwood floor with his socks and ran for the bathroom. The black cat sat there, watching on before turning to go see Claire. As he was doing so, he glanced over at one of the windows. Wesker saw a second glance of somebody before their head dipped down, disappearing outside.

"Hey! That pranker is back!" Wesker growled, padding into the kitchen to go to Claire's feet.

"Do I need to go out there and kick his ass for you?" Claire snorted, turning around. As she did so, she stepped on Wesker's tail. He yelped, and she stepped back. "Oh, sorry."

"This is ridiculous! I need back in my own body!" Wesker growled, looking at his bent up tail.

"Why? Because you have fur and a tail? Or because you starting to turn into a 'fraidy cat?"

Wesker glared up at her. "You are lucky that I am not a man right now."

Claire smirked down at him, laughing a little. "Oh? Is that a threat or an invitation?"

"IS HE HITTING ON YOU, CLAIRE?!" Chris shouted from the back.

"How the hell did he hear that?" Wesker asked.

"It is his brotherly senses, I guess."

***

"Okay, where are we going?" Wesker asked. "And why are you carrying me?"

"Because, I am on to you. You aren't going to try anything with my little sister!" Chris growled, holding the black cat.

Wesker bit him, which made poor Chris drop him. Wesker landed on his paws, and dodged Chris's boot. He started trotting beside him and Claire. Claire glanced down at the cat, and then glared over at her brother.

"I am going to be single forever because of you."

"Then my purpose as brother will be fulfilled!" Chris laughed, putting on Wesker's sunglasses. "Man, I really need to get me a pair of these! I am totally HOT!"

"Oh, get over yourself!" Claire laughed.

"Excuse me?! Where are we going?!" Wesker grumbled.

"We are walking to Jill's house. Be nice. She has some ideas for your last deed!" Chris answered.

"Is it far? We are being followed!"

"Oh my God! That again?" Claire growled. "Will you chill out?"

"Yeah, chill cool cat."

"Chris, shut up."

A cell phone started going off. The ring tone was playing the Wicked Witch theme from Wizard of Oz. Claire and Chris started laughing, stopping at the side of the curb. Wesker gasped, looking wide-eyed up at them.

"It's Annette! You better answer it or she will curse you!"

Claire took out Wesker's cell phone and answered it. "Hello? What? No, I'm not Wesker's girlfriend. He is a cat and cannot answer the phone. Can I relay a message? Ah-huh…William is missing? He has all night? I will tell him…oh…I will tell him that too. Okay, bye."

Claire flipped the cell phone shut. She looked to her brother and the kitty-fied Wesker. "Annette says that William has been missing all night and won't answer his phone. Oh, and she says that the lab blew up…whatever that means."

Wesker fake-laughed. "I have no idea what that crazy lady is talking about! Okay, so call William. He will answer my call. Poor fool tries to avoid his wife sometimes."

"Okay," Claire sighed, flipping the cell phone open. She dialed William's number and then waited.

In the bushes, they started hearing the Darth Vader theme play. They slowly looked over. William slowly raised his head up out of the bushes. He smiled sheepishly, turning his phone off and coming out.

Chris died with laughter. "His ring tone for you is the Darth Vader theme?! That's my ring tone for you…I mean…er…my grandmother."

"William, what the hell are you doing here?" Wesker growled. He then grunted. "Wait a minute…you were the guy outside at Chris's house?"

"Well, I uh," William mumbled. "Yes, but it was only because I was keeping an eye on you."

"I am not a child, you moron," Wesker growled.

"No, you are a cat!" Chris laughed.

"No seriously, buddy! There's a hit out on you! I just wanted to make sure no one was going to kidnap you!" William exclaimed.

"A hit?! What did you do?" Claire asked, glaring down at the black cat.

"N-nothing!"

"Some old granny told a hit man that you were a talking cat and that you would probably be worth millions of dollars."

"I bet it was old witch I saved from the motorcycle!" Wesker grunted.

"Ironic," Claire chuckled.

"Wait, how do you know about this, William?" Wesker asked.

William blinked, the color draining from his face. "Uh…that information is confidential; please leave a message after the beep…bbbbeeeeeppppp."

"Riiighht," Wesker heaved. "Get back to Annette. I will be fine."

"Alright," sighed William. The married man turned and started walking down the sidewalk in the other direction, shoulders sagging.

"Don't even feel sorry for him. Let's go," Wesker stated.

They started to walk across the street, Wesker in the lead with his awkwardly bent tail up. Claire and Chris followed him after taking one glance back at William. As they were walking by a manhole, the metal lid flew off. Wesker almost lost all of his fur while Claire and Chris screamed. A grimy hand reached up out of the darkness of the hole, reaching for the sun.

Chris screamed. "It's a zombie!"

Leon pulled himself out of the manhole. He got to his feet and brushed himself off. He grinned boyishly at them. "Zombie? Where?"

"Leon? You scared the heeby jeebies out of me!" Claire exclaimed.

"It's dark down there. Oh, and there is a huge alligator down there too! It tried to eat me!" Leon said.

"It wasn't me!" Wesker spat, making them stare down at him. "Really, it wasn't!"

"Claire! You are so pretty!" Leon laughed. "Wanna see my hair again?"

"Wait, what?"

"Back off, hair boy!" Chris warned.

"Has anyone seen a woman in a red dress?"

They heard a female Tarzan yell. Looking up, they saw a woman in a red dress flying down for them while holding onto a grappling gun. Leon's eyes lit up, while Chris and Claire scrambled out of the way.

Wesker had no time to react before she scooped him up in her arms and was flying away. Wesker yelped, looking down. He heard Chris and Claire yelling something. The last thing he heard before the woman swept him away was Leon's voice.

"Ada! Wait!"

* * *

**A/N: Geez, what is up with all these short chapters lately? Get your head in the game, Kayla! Grr!!! Lol, okay so Leon finally found his way out of the sewers, but not without facing the giant alligator from RE2. Ada has kidnapped, er, I mean cat-napped Wesker. What will she want with him? Who friggin' knows with her! Lol, did all you notice the small Wesker/Claire moments, or is that just me??? Sorry for the short chapters lately. I promise to try and make the next chapter longer. As it stands, there are only two chapters left of this story, plus the Epilogue! Yay! Wesker is so close to being a man again! I bet he will be REALLY glad to get back into his own body, lol! Thanks for reading and reviewing you wonderful people you! XD**


	12. Chapter 12: Wesker vs Ada

**Chapter 12: Wesker vs. Ada**

It was dark, cold, and scary. All Wesker could do was breathe as he was stuffed. He could smell the scent of makeup and perfume, but could not see where she was taking him. Yeah, Ada stuffed the poor cat in her purse.

"Let me out!"

"Not a chance!"

"Ada!"

"Albert!"

"You won't get your next paycheck if you don't let me out!"

"Who says I'm still working for you?" Ada chuckled, her voice slightly muffled from the walls of the purse.

"What in the world do you have in here? Let's see, a hairbrush, make-up, perfume, a tampon, lots of credit cards, a gun, a knife, some more make-up, sunglasses…hey, I rubbed off on you! Umm, money, keys, a taser, a book…oh yeah, and a cat!"

"It's a big purse, so what?" Ada grumbled. "Now stop talking. People are giving me weird looks. We are almost there!"

A minute later, the purse was opened. A rush of fresh air hit Wesker, and he was relieved. Ada snatched him by the scruff and picked him up, setting her purse down. They were in a hotel room, one Wesker didn't recognize. He glared down at her as she held him up by the scruff of his neck.

"Woman! Put me down! You kidnapped me! Your own damn employer!"

"Oh, settle down, Albert," sighed Ada. "I'm just here for personal matters."

"Personal?" Wesker inquired, growing curious.

Ada walked over to the king-sized bed. The hotel suite was definitely expensive with its fine furniture and unique decoration. Ada smiled as she sat him down next to her, stroking him along his back and face.

"Yes, personal."

"I'm listening," Wesker purred.

Ada suddenly grabbed him and started shaking him like a rag doll…not the cat breed rag doll, the rag doll that you shake…Anyways, Wesker was taken by surprise and he started to yelp.

"Stop it!"

"Where is John?!"

"Your boyfriend?!"

"Yes! My boyfriend John! The John you used to beat up in grade school! The John you and William tried to explode in the lab! That John!"

"Hey, it's nothing personal! And I haven't seen him in awhile! It wasn't me! I don't know where he is!" Wesker spat.

"It is too personal, Albert! You have had a crush on me since kindergarten!"

"Have not!"

"Have too! Where is he?!"

"William said something about him going to facility off New York Harbor called Big Shell for a conference! I had nothing to do with it! Just give him a damn call and I'm sure he will answer!"

Ada dropped the cat back onto the bed. Ada sat there for a moment, thinking. Wesker caught his breath, his fur ruffled. He glared up at her.

"I do recall something like that. He won't answer his cell phone though. Big Shell…Big Shell…"

***

Many miles away off from New York Harbor, Big Shell lay in silence as soldiers walked their perimeter, crazy psychos from Dead Cell giggled, Mister X coughed, and cardboard boxes moved by themselves oddly. In a room full of lockers, poor John was stuck inside. He cried and cried for someone to let him out, but no one would. Passing by his locker doing his own business, Solid Snake heard his pitiful cry for help. Curious, he stared at it while he walked by…then tripped over a cardboard box. An exclamation mark lit up above his head, and Raiden popped out of the cardboard box.

***

"Oh, well. It is New York. Maybe he is just busy. I'm sure he is fine," Ada stated.

Wesker was not happy. His tail lashed angrily, and his ears pinned back. "This is the reason you cat-napped me?!"

Ada smiled sweetly down at him. "That and this cute little old lady said that there was a talking cat that could be worth millions! I knew it was you, Albert, when I saw you with Leon."

"Damn that little old lady! Wait…you know Leon?"

"…No…"

"You hesitated!"

"The point is, well, I cat-napped you."

"Take me back to Claire and Chris now!"

"Aw, do you miss them? You did seem like you liked Claire a lot," Ada chuckled.

"It's not that!" Wesker hissed. "They were going to help me with my final deed! Then I can turn back into a man, and I can punish you!"

"Punish?" Ada snorted. "Really? Is that what you say when you mean to seduce somebody?"

Wesker was taken aback. "What? No! I mean like fire you…or put you on probation for six years or something!"

"Maybe I can help you with your last deed."

"Pu-lease, your idea of a good deed is suckering a poor sap for his money," Wesker snorted, slightly laughing.

Ada glared down at him. "What are you trying to insinuate, Albert?"

"Uhh, nothing. Look, how about you just take me back to Claire and Chris, and we can forget all about this little ordeal. I won't punish you, and you can remain on vacation until I become a man again."

"Deal! But don't forget about poker night this Friday!"

"Oh yeah! Hey, where is Krauser? You were looking for him, right?"

"Yeah, I found him. You really messed up his face. I couldn't stop laughing. He started crying and he ran away. That's okay, I will find him again."

"And your reason for doing business with him?"

"William said he would be an awesome body guard. He gave me a hundred bucks to go recruit him. I had nothing else better to do since my boss got turned into a cat."

"I couldn't help that," Wesker growled. "What I don't get is that you are as every bit as mean, and low, and sneaky, and conniving, and evil-"

"Your point is?" Ada interrupted, scowling.

"Why didn't Francis Francy turn you into a cat? Or a dog? Or a caterpillar? And why not William? He may seem nice and innocent, but he creates biological weapons for crying out loud!"

"You do have a point," Ada sighed, tapping her chin in thought. "Maybe I'm too sexy to be turned into a cat…though I would make a sexy cat…Don't worry, you are pretty cute for a cat. As for William…who knows."

Wesker rolled his eyes. "Thanks."

"Before I take you back to Claire, can-"

Wesker glared daggers at her.

Ada sighed. "Before I take you back to Claire AND Chris, can I put you in a cat show? The Cat Fanciers Association is in, and you could win best in breed, and in show! And that would mean big buck for me, err, and you!"

"Cat show?" Wesker hissed. "What kind of cat do you think I am?"

Ada peered at him closely. "Well, you do look like a Burmese somewhat…you know maybe you could slide for a Bombay…but you don't have the chocolate whiskers. All hell, we can slide with putting you in with the American Shorthairs! If only you were a Persian or something…Those squished in cat faces always seem to get people."

Wesker stared at her dully. He flicked his tail in agitation. "Are you done? No cat show, end of story."

"Albert, please don't make me beg," Ada whispered sexily.

Wesker quivered at her tone, purring softly. He then caught himself, and shook his head. "Stop it!"

Ada shrugged. "It almost worked."

"Take me back to Claire!"

Ada grinned down at the black cat.

"And Chris! Dammit!"

Ada started laughing. She got off of the king-sized bed. She held up her hands to show she meant no harm. "Okay, okay. Back in the purse."

"No! You can just carry me."

Ada glared at him. Slowly, this evil smile crossed her beautiful face. Wesker didn't like it one bit. He glared up at her, getting claws ready to defend himself.

"Why are you grinning like that?"

"No reason…come here."

"Stay away from me or I will use my martial arts skills on you!" Wesker warned.

"Yeah, okay. I know you know it, but can you pull it off as a cat? Are you going to become Kung Fu Kitty?" Ada laughed.

"Don't tempt me!"

"Okay, I will."

Ada came for him. Wesker slashed at her with his claws, in which she dodged. The black cat hissed out, only to have Ada grab him and pin him. Ada sat on Wesker. He tried and tried to get out from under her bottom, squirming and wreathing. Ada sat there patiently on the bed, folding her arms as her employer struggled.

"You may be able to win as a man, Albert. But you stand no chance as a cat against me. Oh, hell, what am I saying? Even as a man, I would still win. You just can't help yourself around me," she snickered.

"I…can't...breathe!" Wesker mumbled under her butt.

"Who got the upper hand this time?"

"No one!" Wesker hissed.

Ada jumped up slightly, only to squash her body down on top of the black cat again. Wesker yelped under her, tail and back end the only part sticking out from under Ada.

"Okay! Okay! It was you! You got the upper hand this time! Now let me go!"

Ada stood up on her legs. The black cat gasped for air, his fur ruffled and eyes wide. Ada smirked down at him. She received a low growl from her employer.

"So, are you going in the purse now?"

"Nope! You can do whatever you want, but I'm not being stuffed in your handbag like some kind of toy poodle!"

Again, that sly, sexy smile came across Ada's face. She chuckled softly. "Really? Hmm…Okay then."

***

"I don't get it," sighed Jill.

"I will say it again…Wesker got cat-napped! This lady in a red dress just flew through the air like Tarzan and swooped him up! Like a hawk! She took him away! We have to find him!" Chris yelled.

"We can follow his scent!" Leon giggled.

Claire glared at him. "Scent? Do you have a bloodhound?"

"No, but when I got turned into a dog for being mean and I had to do three good deeds, I kept my doggy sense of smell when that ghost guy changed me back!"

"Really?!" Chris exclaimed.

"No, not really," sighed Leon. "I wish though."

"Maybe we have a profile this lady in the S.T.A.R.S database. Let me check it out on my laptop," Jill put in. She started typing up some things in her laptop, going into the S.T.A.R.S database to look.

Chris snorted. "We don't even know her name! What are they going to list it as? Bitch in a Red Dress?"

"Actually, her name is Ada," Leon mumbled. "I said that earlier.

"Oh! Here it is! Bitch in a Red Dress, a.k.a, Ada Wong. Wanted for…yikes, she has quite a profile!" Jill yelled.

"Told you!" Leon barked.

Chris rolled his eyes. Claire heaved a sigh at the two men. She got up and went over to sit beside Jill. She looked into the computer screen, getting curious.

"This still doesn't help us in finding, Albert," Claire sighed.

Chris's eye twitched dramatically. He gave his little sister the look of evil, standing over her like a wicked step-mother…err step-father.

"Why did you call him by his first name?! That means you are getting closer to him!" Chris gasped like a frightened damsel. "YOU ARE GETTING CLOSER TO HIM!"

"Chris, chill out before I have to kick you in the nuts," Claire heaved. "Wesker. There? Is that better?"

"Yes," Chris muttered, going to sit next to Leon again.

The doorbell dinged. They looked to the front door, curious on whom it could be. Claire got up and went to the door. She pulled it open. There was no one there. She heard someone clear their throat, and lowered her eyes down. There, a black cat dressed in a little pink dress and pink bonnet sat there looking miserable. There was a pink bowtie on his tail. Claire recognized this poor creature as Wesker, and bust out with fits of laughter.

"It's good to see you too, Claire," Wesker growled, padding into the house. He called over his shoulder. "Thanks a lot, Ada!"

Leon's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. He looked to the front door, got up and rushed out there like he was in the NFL. "Ada, wait!"

Claire closed the door behind Leon. She turned to face the black cat as he jumped onto the couch. She was laughing hysterically. Chris and Jill soon joined in. Chris and Jill had to lean on each other for support. Wesker glared up at them, thoroughly embarrassed.

"I don't see how this is funny!" he hissed.

"Okay, okay, chill," Claire laughed, coming over to help him get the girly clothes off.

"That wench! She painted my claws pink too!" Wesker cried, unsheathing his claws. They were hot pink and shiny…not deadly looking at all.

"Aw, how cute!"

"I must say, Wesker, that bonnet looks o'so good on you," Chris snickered. He and Jill started howling in laughter again.

"Wait, wait," Jill choked. "I think that dress makes you look fat."

They started laughing again, holding each other and crying. Claire was trying not to laugh, but she just couldn't help it. Wesker literally felt like killing everyone in the entire world.

_When I get turned back into a man_, he thought.

"Please! Take this off of me!" he spat. He then noticed them taking pictures of him with their cell phones. His expression turned grimmer.

"I'm gonna post this on YouTube!" Chris chortled.

"I'm gonna post this on Facebook!" Jill laughed.

"I'm gonna post this on MySpace!" Claire giggled.

Wesker felt kitty rage swelling from within. He felt as if he should go berserk, shredding everything with his pink claws. The inner feline was boiling over, and Wesker knew that if they didn't stop, he was going to go all Crouching Tiger, Raging Mongoose on them.

"Okay, let me help you," Claire sighed. She started pulling of the bonnet and dress. She even plucked the bowtie off of his crooked tail. She petted him afterwards, and slowly Wesker felt himself calm. "There. Good as new! Well, for a cat anyways."

"Thanks," sighed Wesker.

"Well, now that that's over! Let's start planning on how we are going to help Wesker with his last deed!" Chris announced.

* * *

**A/N: Yay, the site is back up! I was going to post this yesterday, but the site wouldn't let me upload any chapters! Okay, so we can all tell that Ada totally won the fight against kitty Wesker, lol. Now all that is left is for Wesker to do his last good deed! Then he can turn back into a man again! Yep, you know what that means! Only one more chapter to go...plus the Epilogue of course, lol. Hope all of you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading and reviewing! XD**


	13. Chapter 13: Good Deed No3

**Chapter 13: Good Deed No.3**

Wesker yawned, opening his eyes to the new morning. He soon realized he was no longer on Chris's couch. He then remembered that he snuck into Claire's room to nap in there, but he was no longer in there as well. He was in a cage. A small cage surrounded by other cages full of other animals. He immediately freaked, getting to his paws and running to the front of the cage.

"Hey! Wait! What's going on?! Where am I?"

"Dude, you are at the pound, duh," came a dull voice.

Wesker looked over to the cage next to him on his right. There beside him was a bored, ugly Chinese Crested. The small, bald dog glanced at him through his bars.

"Pound?! How did I get here! I was sleeping!" Wesker spat.

"This handsome guy named Chris dropped you off," came a purr behind him. His other neighbor, a white female cat smiled at him. "He said something about letting you suffer for getting too close to his sister."

"What?! That bastard! I didn't touch her! Okay, so I rubbed on her toes a bit, who cares!"

The Chinese Crested shook his head. "It's the humans. They are all crazy. Some want to love you, some want to take over the world. I don't get it."

"Hey handsome," the white female cat purred. "What's your name?"

Wesker glared at her. "Wesker."

"Whisker?"

"Wesker!"

"Oh, Wesker…weird name. Well, it's better than mine I guess. My name is Snowy."

"And my name is Hank!" the Chinese Crested laughed, wagging his hairless tail. Wesker stared at the dog for a moment, noting that there was only fur on his head and his hairless body was splotched with pink and purple skin.

"And…you are a dog…right?"

Hank glared at him. "For your information, pal, I am a dog. And I am a five time champion!"

Wesker blinked, but then heard Snowy chuckle behind him. "Yeah, of the Ugliest Dog Competition."

"Shut up, Snowy!"

"Make me!" Snowy laughed, glaring at him with crystal blue eyes.

"Shut up! Why the hell can I talk to you two! I'm a man, I can't speak animal!" Wesker yelled, thoroughly frustrated.

"You don't look like a man to me," Hank chuckled.

"Yeah, you look more like a good chunk of handsome loveable tomcat," Snowy purred, eyeing him like candy.

"No, I am really a man. I got turned into a cat for being evil. I have to do three good deeds to turn back."

"Okay, you seriously need to lay off the catnip, buddy. Is that why you are in here? Smoked too much and the little girl had to have daddy drop you off?" Hank laughed.

"Alright," sighed Wesker, trying to think straight. "I don't need to talk to you two anymore. I just need to get out of here."

"In order to do that, you have to get adopted," Snowy told him. "And if you don't get adopted they take you to a science lab and do tests on you."

"Thanks," Wesker sighed. "But I should have no problem getting out of here. Once I am adopted, I will do my final deed to turn back!"

"Oh! Oh! People, people!" Hank hollered.

All of the caged animals woke up or stopped eating or pooping. They ran to the front of their cages, barking and meowing madly. Wesker pinned his ears back, the sound was so intense. A little girl and came in with her parents to take a look.

_Ha! This is going to be a piece of cake!_

Wesker started to rub his body along the cage, purring and meowing. The little girl immediately saw him and came over. Wesker kept up the act, trying not to puke in his mouth. He stuck his single white paw out through the bars to reach at her.

"Mommy! I want this kitty!" the little girl with pigtails exclaimed.

"We can't dear. That cat is black, which means he is the color of evil. We don't want the devil in our house now, do we?"

"No, we don't," the little girl grumbled, moving away. They moved farther down along.

Wesker collapsed, cursing out loud. "I almost had it!"

"You are going to have to do much better than that, cutie," Snowy sighed.

Another little girl came in with her parents. All the animals went crazy once again. Wesker was aggravated, but then soon realized it was Sherry, Annette, and William. He squealed evilly in delight, getting back to his paws. He knew they were his ticket out of here.

"William! Will, over here!" Wesker yelled, pawing through the cage bars.

"Wesker, hey buddy!" William laughed, coming over with his family.

"Hi, Uncle Albert Kitty!" Sherry giggled.

"Albert? Why are you in a cage at the pound?" Annette asked.

"Because, he got a little too close to Chris Redfield's little sister, Claire…if you know what I mean," William mumbled.

"Albert! How dare you! Canoodling as a cat?!" Annette barked.

"What?! I did not! William, where did you here that rubbish?!"

"From Chris! He gave me $20 not to adopt you. Sorry pal."

"I'm going to kill EVERYONE when I turn back into a man! Do you hear me?!" Wesker yelled.

William blinked, drawing back from the cage and smiling sheepishly. "Uh well, see ya Monday!"

"Daddy! I want this one!" Sherry yelled, pointing to Hank, who was licking the cage.

"What in the world is it?"

"It's a dog, daddy!"

"Oh…I thought it was one of my failed experiments. Okay, let's get him!"

They opened the cage, scooping up Hank in their arms. As they were leaving, Hank waved back at Wesker and Snowy with his paw. "So long, suckers!"

"This isn't going well for me," sighed Wesker, lying down.

"You will get adopted, don't worry!" Snowy replied, grooming herself. "The right person just has to come along. Maybe you will get a little girl or boy, or maybe an elderly couple. Who knows? I was abandoned by my last two owners, but I know I will eventually find a good home."

"Your optimism is annoying to me," Wesker grumbled. "I can't believe Chris did this to me! He is not only getting fired, but I am going to torture him!'

"That man that dropped you off?"

"Yes."

One of the pound workers came into the back with another woman. Wesker perked up, hearing them talk about the adoption policy. Wesker looked up, and he immediately yelled out in relief when he saw that it was Claire. He went to the front of the cage. Claire looked around for a moment, until she noticed him. She smiled walking over to him.

"Here he is. This is the one I want."

The pound worker nodded his head, smiling. "Okay. Well, you won't be able to pick him until tomorrow."

Claire frowned. "Why?"

"He still needs to be neutered. The shelter isn't allowed to adopt animals out who have yet to be fixed."

Claire started laughing, but Wesker immediately felt sick and had to sit down. Snowy chuckled behind him. "Oh, it will be alright. You will just have to watch your diet so you don't get fat."

"As much as I would like that, I really need him now," Claire said. "I will get him neutered uhh later. Yeah, later."

"I'm sorry, miss," the older, pudgy man said. "But it is the rules."

"He isn't touching my manhood!" Wesker yelled out.

The man jumped at the sudden voice, and looked. His eyes widened in horror as he realized it was the cat that had just spoke. He dropped his clipboard, grunting in shock.

"That cat just spoke! This place needs to be locked down! Miss Redfield! Get out! Now!"

He started leading her out. Wesker knew that Claire was his only shot of getting out of here. Claire fought with him.

"Not without that cat!"

"He isn't up for adoption!" the man barked.

Claire punched him in the face, knocking the poor guy out cold. Claire ran back over to Wesker's cage. She opened the cage, scooping him up into her arms and turning to leave.

"My brother is such an ass. Don't worry, I got him back. I took away his Spongebob Squarepants pen and then dropped him off in the middle of town with only a pink tutu on. I think he will learn his lesson."

"You saved me! I love you!" Wesker purred.

"Oh, don't make me sick before I get home," Claire sighed, laughing.

As they were leaving, Wesker looked back to the cages. He saw Snowy watching them leave with her paws sticking through the bars. Wesker was suddenly hit with something wet and nasty inside. It was sickening and grimy, and just plain unnatural. He soon realized he was feeling pity and guilt.

"Wait!"

"What?!" Claire grunted.

"Get Snowy!"

"Who?"

"Snowy! That white cat! She needs a home! You like cats, right Claire?"

"I can't believe you sometimes," Claire sighed, going back to the cages.

She opened up Snowy's cage and scooped the white cat up in her other hand. Claire then immediately headed out before the pound worker could wake up from his Falcon Punch to the face. Claire knew she was going to have to make a dash to her freedom from the workers up ahead.

As soon as they saw her, the two women got up. Claire immediately thought of a good plan. "Hey! These two cats were out, but more importantly that guy that showed me to the back hit his head really hard and got knocked out. I will hold the cats, you go check him out."

The two older women freaked. "Bob! Oh, Bob! Are you alright?!" One woman screamed as they scrambled to the back.

Claire smirked evilly and ran out of the adoption center. She ran along the parking lot, both cats jingling like groceries in her arms. Wesker noticed her running directly for a sleek, black Audi. He then realized it was his car, just as she opened the door and tossed both cats inside. Claire got in and started the car. Wesker planted himself in the passenger seat, glaring up at her.

"This is my car! How did you get my car?!"

"William gave me the keys to it. What's the matter?"

"You can't drive it! You will crash it!"

"Oh relax! I'm a good driver! I really do like this car too by the way." Claire looked in her rearview mirror, noticing that Animal Control was speeding into the parking lot. Her eyes widened. "Uh-oh, you are a wanted cat now. Let's get the hell-o out of here!"

"Take it easy-" Wesker was cut off when Claire threw the car into reverse, he was sent crashing forward into the dashboard. Snowy meowed something in the back and dug her claws into the black leather seats.

Claire was driving like a bat out of hell, spinning tires and revving the powerful engine. She looked like she was having fun speeding through traffic to get them home. Wesker dug his claws into the seat, praying that his car would be okay.

"This car is so awesome!" Claire laughed, swerving and passing other cars.

"Yeah, I only spent $70,000 dollars on it so please slow down!" Wesker barked.

"Are you kidding?! You got a V10 in this thing! It needs to go fast! That's a lot of money! You can't possibly make that as Captain of S.T.A.R.S. You aren't like a man whore or something, are you?"

"What?! No! My financial status is of no concern to you! Watch out for that chicken crossing the road!" Wesker yelped.

"You are such a baby! Relax! We are almost there!" Claire answered.

"This human female is crazy! Get me out of here!" Snowy shouted in the backseat. Of course, Claire only heard a cat crying crazily.

"How is your driving record?" Wesker growled, fur standing on end and ears pinned back.

"Uh, well…"

"Never mind, don't tell me," Wesker sighed.

"Hey! Did you see that?! That was Chris we just passed in his tutu! Aw, how cute and freakishly embarrassing!" Claire laughed.

***

"I can't believe she did that to me! My own sister! And after I protected her from that snake…err cat of a Captain of mine! She won't get away with this! And neither will he!" Chris yelled defiantly as he strolled down the sidewalk heading home wearing only a pink tutu.

Fangirls were scampering all around, taking photos and giggling. He saw animals widen their eyes and flee. He saw hobos pretend to be a bush as he passed by. Oh how Chris was embarrassed! Then he saw a black Audi speed by. The license plate read "4U2NV".

"Wesker? That was Wesker's car! But cats can't drive!" Chris then gasped like a horrified school girl. "Claire! She is driving his car! Which means that she freed Wesker from the pound! Which means that William didn't keep his promise! Which means that my pickled eggs are gonna go bad! I gotta get home fast! Get out of the way you chickens crossing the road!"

***

After running over five garden gnomes, three pink flamingos, four picket fences, one fake deer, two real people, a rabid raccoon, and a drunken zombie they finally made it back home to Chris's house. Claire parked the beat up Audi, getting out. The cats jumped out after her. After Claire slammed the door shut, the door fell off. She widened her eyes and glanced down at Wesker, who was horrified to see his car in ruins. He glared up at her with sharp cat eyes, ears pinned back.

"Look what you did!"

"It's fine! Just a little duck tape and glue and-"

One tire blew, hissing out air as it melted down to the rim. The hood popped up from being so bent, and the back window fell in.

"Well, I know a good mechanic around here."

Wesker heaved a sigh. "Why do I bother? Let's go in. I'm sure Chris can follow your trail of destruction back to his house."

"Hey! Is that how you treat the woman that just bailed you out of animal jail?"

"She's right you know. You should thank her," Snowy whispered. "I would thank her, but she can't understand me. I will just have to show my thanks by brushing up against her shins and meowing cutely."

"I will get in trouble if I do that," Wesker sighed.

"Do what?" Claire asked. "Are you conspiring with your kitty girlfriend?"

"What? No! She told me I should thank you! And she isn't my kitty girlfriend."

"But we have a long future together as household pets with this crazy, but lovely human girl here. We might as well hook up," Snowy purred.

"For the last time, I am a man! Claire! Please! We have to hurry and do my last deed! I can understand animals now!"

"Really?! What an awesome ability!"

"Claire!"

"Oh, right! Well, let's get in and think on it! Hurry!"

***

Hours went by, and Claire, Wesker, and Snowy could not think of a single good deed they could have Wesker do. Wesker kept saying that rescuing Snowy was a good deed, and hoped that Francis Francy would pop up at any moment and change him back. But as the day grew later, Wesker started to get annoyed. He did not have time to throw a fit, only because Chris made it home.

"Claire! I can't believe you did that to me! Your own brother! Flesh and blood! Respect your elders, dammit!"

"You shouldn't have dropped Wesker off at the pound! That was cruel! We are supposed to be helping him!"

"But he was getting to close to you!" Chris barked.

Claire snatched the black cat up before he could get away and held him against her. She glared at Chris and he glared back. "Oh my God! He is close to me!"

"Fine, alright! I see where this is going! Well, let me tell you something! I started having delusions while I was out there on the streets in this tutu! I saw purple dodo birds dancing and flying carpets! And Death was following me around suggesting I should take a cab! Oh, and I saw the Cheshire Cat too!"

"Oh, the Cheshire Cat! I hear he has a wonderful smile!" Snowy giggled.

"Cats can't smile!" Wesker snapped.

"Chris! You are delusional! Go take a bubble bath!" Claire yelled.

"You know what?! I am going to go take a bubble bath! That'll show ya!" Chris said triumphantly. He left them to go take a bubble bath. Claire sat Wesker back down on the couch with Snowy.

Knocking came on the front door. Frustrated, Claire tore open the door and glared at the person standing there. "What?!"

A tall man in a Delta suit and gas mask was standing there calmly. Claire's eyes widened and she slammed the door shut in his face. "That was either Darth Vader or one of my ex-boyfriends!"

"Open the door! He might need help or he might be able to help us!" Wesker snapped.

Claire tore open the door again, smiling meekly. "Sorry about that. Who are you?"

"I am Hunk."

"Hunk? Is that your code name? Why are you called that?"

"Do I need to tear off this uniform and show you?"

Claire started giggling like a swooned school girl. "Maybe…"

"Claire!" Wesker snapped. "Don't make me get Chris while he is enjoying his bubble bath!"

Claire quickly wiped the grin off of her face. She shook her head at Hunk. "No…no you don't, sir."

"That's too bad," sighed Hunk. He handed over a folded piece of paper. "Here ya go. Goodbye."

Claire shut the door, unfolding the piece of paper eagerly. The black cat and white cat looked on curiously from the couch. Claire looked confused as she stared at the piece of paper. It was a page dedicated to ordering checks that had baby animals on them. Claire smiled cutely at the little pictures. There were checks with baby ducks, baby horses, puppies, kittens, and lambs.

"Aw! How cute! Have no idea why he gave me this though."

There was knocking on the door again. Claire answered it to see Hunk standing there again. The gas mask concealed his face and facial expressions, but he sound slightly embarrassed when he spoke.

"Whoops. Wrong piece of paper. Let's make a trade!"

"Oh, okay," Claire chuckled. She handed over the piece he gave her and took the new piece of paper. Afterwards, she closed the door again and unfolded it.

_If you are looking for your final deed, I have what you are looking for. A young man named Steve Burnside was kidnapped by two psychotic twins named Alfred and Alexia Ashford that are bent on taking over the world…oh and they love ants too. Anyways, they are located in the park. Don't ask how I know you are looking for deeds, I just know. Don't give me that look either. Oh, and this message will self destruct in five seconds._

Gasping, Claire crunched up the piece of paper and tossed it at Wesker. Snowy bailed off of the couch. Before Wesker could react, the piece of jumbled up paper blew up, sounding like a firecracker went off in the house. Wesker wailed out in pain, and then noticed his bent tail was on fire.

"Ow! My tail is on fire!"

"Oh, goodness! Hold on!" Claire gasped.

She snatched up the yelping black cat, whose tail was like a torch and ran for the bathroom. She opened the door and chunked the cat into the bathtub with Chris, who was bobbing his head to a Michael Jackson song. Water and pink bubbles went everywhere, and Chris screamed in surprise. Wesker leaped out of the tub and was flying out of the bathroom, soaked to the bone…but also with a bald, disfigured tail.

Chris yanked off his pink shower cap, glaring at his sister. "Get out! What did I tell you about throwing cats that are on fire into my bath water?!"

Claire shut the door and went back to the living room. Wesker, who was still dripping water everywhere sat there looking at his bald, burned tail. Snowy sat there beside him, taking in the wound.

"Don't worry, it's not too bad. But if you are too worried about looks, we could always amputate it and you can be a Manx. All the Manx I ever met were charming, even though they lacked a tail. Or we can just make you a bobtail, if you want just a little tail," Snowy said, trying to comfort him.

"My tail! You are so lucky this isn't a normal appendage on my man body or you would be sorry!" Wesker barked.

"Hey, I didn't know it was going to self-destruct!" Claire defended.

"Never mind! Let's just get to the park! Quick!" Wesker heaved.

"Oh! I wanna go!" Snowy purred.

"No, you stay and watch Chris!" Wesker barked.

"But!"

"I will give you catnip!"

Snowy's eyes lit up. "Catnip?! Okay! I will stay right here!"

"Come on, Claire! Take my destroyed Audi, since you cannot possibly wreck it any worse."

"Shouldn't we tell Chris, or call Jill or William or something?"

"No! I will take care of the tranny twins! Now let's go!"

"Tranny twins? That's a funny name to give them. I mean I'm sure they are normal twins who have a love for ants and are just slightly messed up in the head. What makes you think they dress up as the opposite sex?"

"Just a hunch, now please! Let's go!"

***

Wesker and Claire poked their heads up over a bush, taking cover and hiding well in the tree filled park. There some meters away were the Ashford twins enjoying a lovely picnic on a blanket. The picnic basket was empty, and food was lying around them. There were huge mounds of anthills around them, and they laughed and giggled at each others jokes.

"Where is Steve?" Claire whispered.

"I have no idea," Wesker sighed, looking around.

They then saw him, a young man with red hair wearing a maid's suit. He walked over to the twins with a tray of drinks. He looked depressed and slightly scared as he walked over to them.

"Drinks?"

"What are you supposed to say after you are done with a sentence, my dear Steve?" Alexia asked, smirking up at him while sitting in her gorgeous blue dress.

"Oh, uh, drinks my awesome, ant loving lords? Queen Alexia, you must be thirsty. You wouldn't want to take over the world with a thirst in your throat, right?" Steve mumbled, gulping.

"Yes, that sounds nice. See, you make a wonderful maid, Steve. Now if you wouldn't have failed at your audition as Leonardo DiCaprio, you wouldn't be in this predicament."

"Yeah, you need to get rid of that whiney voice and stick it out like a woman…I mean a man!" Alfred giggled in his aristocratic uniform.

"I understand," Steve sighed, lowering his head.

"That Alexia is very, very seducing," Wesker purred. "She's so evil, and I just love it!"

Claire glared down at him. She slammed her fist down on top of the cat's head, making him yelp. "Get out there and free Steve!"

"But he is a total loser!"

"Does it matter? It is still a good deed! Don't you want to be a man again?! The full moon is tomorrow night!"

"Yikes! Okay! I won't be picky!" Wesker yelled.

He ran out of the bushes, rushing straight for the twins. Alfred saw the black cat racing for them with bald tail up high. Alfred screamed like a little girl, getting to his feet.

"Ack! A black cat! Kill it, Alexia! Kill it!"

"Do I have to do everything?" Alexia sighed, getting to her feet. Steve stood back; shaking in fear and making the glasses jingle as they shook with him.

Alexia got a shovel. She tried slapping it down on top of the cat. Wesker dodged the shovel several times, trying to figure out how he was going to save Steve. The shovel kept coming closer and closer, taking out the picnic food with exploding force.

"Hey! Watch it! That was my macaroni salad!" Alfred barked angrily.

"Don't complain unless you are going to help, you idiot!" Alexia snapped. "That's it! My darling ants! Attack!"

"What?" Wesker laughed. "You are going to send ants on me? You can't train them you fool! They aren't going to attack anything!"

The anthills exploded with red ants. They formed their army and started crawling for Wesker through grass and food. Wesker yelped and ran for it. Some ants stopped to start eating the picnic leftovers. Alexia got frustrated.

"Hey! Stop that! Attack the cat, my precious babies!"

"That's it! I will stop the diseased menace!" Alfred announced as he stood on top of the picnic basket. "It's time for my war clothes!"

He ripped off his red aristocratic uniform. There underneath that was a lovely pink dress that long and silky. He pulled a rifle out of nowhere and aimed it at the running cat.

"Alfred! That's my favorite dress! What did I tell you about stealing my clothes?!"

"I'm sorry! I can't help it!"

Alfred aimed the rifle and fired. The bullet ricocheted off of food and ants and came back and struck him in the groin. "Ouch! Damn these cheap BB guns!"

"You are such an imbecile! You cannot do a single thing right!" Alexia snapped, putting her hands on her hip. "And stop wearing my clothes! What's wrong with you?"

"Hey! You don't have to be so hateful! I was only trying to help!" Alfred argued.

"Quick! Now's our chance!" Wesker yelled up at Steve.

"Cool! A talking cat!"

"Run you idiot! I just saved you!"

"Oh, wow! Thanks!" Steve laughed, dropping the tray of drinks.

Wesker and Steve bailed for it. Claire caught up with them and they ran until they were sure they were safe from the tranny twins. They all caught their breath for a moment. Wesker sat down on his haunches, looking down at his bald, burnt tail and sighing.

"Was that good enough, you think?" he asked Claire.

"Let's hope! Those twins were crazy!"

"Man, you're pretty!" Steve laughed, grabbing her hand and shaking it in a clumsy handshake. "My name is Steve! What's yours?"

"Claire."

"Gorgeous name! Can I jump into your arms?"

"Excuse me?" Claire grunted.

Steve jumped into her arms. For a moment, Claire held him bridal style, and Steve was so happy. Claire growled in annoyance and dropped him onto the ground. "Just get out of here. We don't want you to get captured by those two again. Let's go, Wesker!"

"Thanks for sending your talking, disfigured cat to save me!" Steve called as he waved goodbye to them. "You should come by and see my pet walrus sometime!"

"What a weirdo," Claire sighed.

"I hope that was considered a good deed, because that was very much annoying," the black cat sighed.

When they returned to Chris's house, they found Chris and Jill there talking with none other than Francis Francy. Jill was sitting on the couch petting Snowy. The ghost look alike of young James Marcus grinned as they walked through the door. Wesker felt relief swell up in his chest.

"Well, did I finally do my third good deed?" Wesker asked.

"Actually, I am so proud to say that you did four! That is so wonderful of you to go out of your way to do one other good deed!"

The black cat scowled. "What? What do you mean?"

"Well, rescuing little Snowy was your third deed. Saving Steve was very kind of you, Wesker."

"What?! Why didn't you come sooner?!"

"Well, I had other clients to take care of, duh," Francis Francy laughed. "Plus, I went to the party and got drunk. But the point is, I am here now to turn you back!"

"Yes!" Wesker yelled, leaping high into the air.

Francis Francy walked over to him, still laughing. "Alright, alright. Calm down! Here we go!"

* * *

**A/N: At last! I was able to post this! And only the Epilogue to go after this chapter! I have been so busy lately, so I apologize for the delay! Work, training horses, and concerts filled my schedule, lol. I went to a Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin, and Flyleaf concert, lol. I meant to post this using the internet at my fancy hotel, but their wireless was down. Such luck, eh? Anyways, so there is only the Epilogue left and Bad Kitty will be complete! Aw, how sad! But Wesker will finally be turned back into a man! Oh, and I meant no harm towards the Ashford twins or Steve Burnside. I just like making fun of them sometimes, lol. Please read and review! And I hope all of you enjoyed this long chapter! The Epilogue will definitely be posted this week sometime! Thanks! XD**


	14. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Wesker was as giddy as a kid…the goat kid, not the human kid. Chris, Claire, and Jill all looked on excitedly as Francis Francy waved his hands around. The black cat looked eagerly from his place on the floor, just dying to be a man again. Snowy watched on as well, but got easily distracted when she saw a mouse run through into the kitchen. She leaped off of Jill's lap and bailed for it.

"Okay, ready?" Francis Francy asked, grinning down at Wesker.

"Yes, damn it! Just do it!"

Francis Francy waved his hands towards the eager cat, but a farting noise came from his finger tips, and his eyes widened. No magic came out, and Wesker sat there, remaining a black cat with a single white paw.

"That didn't sound good," Chris mumbled to the girls.

"Uh-oh, how embarrassing," Francis sighed, scratching his head. "It appears I have run out of magic."

"WHAT?! YOU HAVE TO TURN ME BACK!" Wesker cried at the top of his lungs. He lunged for the ghost man, who happened to be corporeal at the moment. Wesker clawed at the ghost man who looked so much like young Dr. Marcus.

"Stop that! Just relax! I have ways to build it back up! I just used too much turning my new clients into odd animals! Does anyone have a beer?"

"Beer? What does that have to do with anything?" Claire asked, putting a hand on her hip.

Francis Francy huffed, turning to Chris's sister. "Duh! Beer refills my magic quicker than any other liquids! Chop chop now! I must turn Wesker back into a man and move on to my next client!"

"Chris, you better have a beer in your refrigerator or I am going to fire you and kill you!"

Chris snorted with laughter. "Of course I have beer! Let me go get a bottle!"

Chris ran to the kitchen, and came back with a bottle of beer in his hands. Wesker let out a sigh of relief. Francis Francy snatched the bottle, opened it, and guzzled it down like there was no tomorrow. Afterwards, he tossed the empty bottle to Chris, who held onto it. The ghost man popped his knuckles, and popped his neck and shoulders, getting his game face on.

"Okay, Wesker. I am going to transport you home and then-"

"Turn me back now! Who cares about taking me home?" Wesker barked, ears pinning back as the cat got frustrated.

"But then you will-"

"I don't want to hear it! Abracadabra, NOW!"

Francis Francy snickered, this evil grin forming on his face. "Alright, you asked for it!"

Francis lifted up his fingers. It was by this time that Wesker remembered Francis's words from earlier. When he was going to be transformed back, he would be naked. He should have gone home first! He screeched out in horror.

"No! Wait! I changed my mind!"

"Too late!"

Lightning shot out of Francis Francy's fingertips. Wesker was hit, and smoke formed. Wesker felt himself start to grow. Fur turned to skin, paws turned to feet and hands, tail, whiskers, and pointy ears disappeared. And bam, just like that, he was a man again. He stood there completely naked for a moment, taken by shock that he no longer needed to be on all fours.

Jill and Claire started giggling madly, their faces turning deep red as they pointed. Chris was horrified, covering his face with his fingers, but then peeking through them anyways. Wesker realized they were getting an eyeful of his sexy body. He quickly snatched a bowl that was filled with fruit and hid it over his manhood. Apples, bananas, and peaches tumbled to the floor. The girls were still giggling like school girls. Claire even put her fingers in her mouth and cat whistled.

"Yeah, yeah, I hope the three of you enjoyed the view," Wesker growled. He then glared at the ghost man. "Take me home now!"

Francis Francy started giggling himself. "Okay, okay! Chill! Here we go!"

More lightning spilled from his fingertips. Wesker was struck, and then he quickly disappeared before them. Francis Francy popped into dust. It wasn't like Chris, Claire, and Jill hardly noticed. They were still giggling with insane laughter.

***

A few days had passed, and all things were slowly returning to normal. Wesker stood before his team at the precinct in the S.T.A.R.S office. Chris, Jill, Barry, Brad, and Rebecca were here, all sitting at their desks. All that was missing was Joseph Frost. Wesker sighed, looking through his towering stacks of paperwork. Rebecca meekly raised her hand in the back.

"Yes, Miss Chambers?" Wesker asked, wanting so desperately to kill the stack of papers he was eying.

"Captain, I just wanted to apologize for getting you high a couple days ago."

"It's fine. Barry, I see you are back from rehab. How is it going?"

Barry twitched, his eyes wide as he stared at his computer screen. "I am on medication for my obsession of sandwiches. But it is coming along! The therapists say that I should have it under control within the year!"

The door to the S.T.A.R.S office opened, and Joseph entered with a big, boyish grin on his face. He was carrying some sacks, all full of a certain food that they could tell. Wesker slapped his forehead, just as Barry screamed out like an Amazonian.

"Hey, everybody! I got Subway! Five dollar foot longs!"

He was crushed by Barry, who totally NFL tackled him to get to the sandwiches. Chris and Jill also joined the dog pile, wanting their sandwich as well. Brad stood at the back of the dust ball that was his teammates fighting on the floor. He held up a finger, gulping hard.

"C-can I have my sandwich?"

A foot long came hurling out of the raging ball of fighting Alpha members, hitting him square in the forehead. Wesker stared at the idiots that were his team. His eye twitched in agitation, but he forced himself to remain calm and not kill everything in the room.

He drove home after his shift was over. He pulled into his driveway, getting out and walking to his front door. On the front porch sat a funny looking Pug dog. It wagged its curly tail as he stepped up onto his porch. Wesker glared down at the dog as if it was a rat that stood before him.

"What do we have here?" Wesker growled.

"Don't kick me! It's me!" the little fawn colored dog squeaked.

Wesker blinked in surprise. "Ada?"

"Yes! I got turned into a damn dog! Look at my face! My beautiful face is gone! You need to help me out!"

"And how did you get turned into a dog?" Wesker chuckled, grinning down at her.

"What do you think, Einstein?" she growled. She then heaved a depressed sigh, her wrinkled face lowering. "Man, I am such a bitch."

"Yes, that does make sense. You are a female dog at the moment."

"Are you going to help me, or not?"

"If I recall, you put a pink bonnet and bowtie on me when I was a cat…and stuffed me in your purse, and you also sat on me. You did nothing to help me out."

The Pug blinked up at him. "Please! You know you want to!"

"That tone of your voice won't work while you are a dog," Wesker snickered.

"You are such a…never mind. I am the perfect size for a football so I won't say anything. Fine, if you won't help me, then I am taking more vacation time."

"Look, I will think about helping you, but first I have to go help William down in the labs tonight."

"Can I stay in your house while you do that?"

Wesker heaved a sigh. "Are you potty-trained?"

"Don't make me bite you!"

Wesker opened the front door. The Pug ran inside. Ada's little claws clicked on Wesker's wood floor as she ran through into the living room. Wesker heaved a sigh, shutting the front door behind him.

***

Wesker and William sat down in the break room in the laboratories beneath Raccoon City. Wesker told William about Ada being turned into a Pug, and William just about died with laughter.

"Serves her right! Err, no offense!"

"What I don't get is that Francis Francy never turned you into an animal, and you are just as evil as Ada and I."

William held his finger up, grinning boyishly. "No! I am the evil scientist with a heart, remember? I am not a total sociopath like you or a bitch like Ada! I am the proper balance of being evil and being loveable at the same time! See? Big difference!"

Wesker rolled his eyes, his sunglasses hiding them. "If you say so, William."

"I bet you learned your lesson! Being a cat had to have been crazy! So, did you learn your lesson? No more being evil?"

Wesker held up his right hand, smirking. "No more evil. I have learned my lesson, and I am glad to know that there are several people that were willing to help me, even though I was a total bastard to them."

"Aw, how sweet!" Will laughed.

They sat there in silence for several minutes, drinking coffee and thinking to themselves. William tapped his fingers on the table, looking up to his comrade across from him. Man, was he bored.

"You want to go do something evil?" he asked.

Wesker grinned again. "Of course I do."

"Great! Let's go!"

***

"This is insane! I couldn't sleep an ounce last night because I kept waking myself up from snoring! This squished in skull is bugging the hell outta me!" Ada complained. She tried to breathe in, and a pig-like snort came out.

"Stop complaining," Wesker sighed, flipping through the newspaper as he sat on his fancy leather sofa.

"Easy for you to say! You aren't a cat anymore! And being a cat would be a lot easier than being this weird little dog! I am so ugly!" Ada whined.

"Many people think Pugs are adorable, you will be fine, now shut it," Wesker answered.

"Do you think Pugs are adorable?" Ada asked, glaring up at him.

"Is that a rhetorical question? It better be, Ada."

"You are such a horrible boss, why do I put up with your crap?" Ada growled, glaring up at him with her black, wrinkled face.

"Because you hopelessly in love with me."

"You are the most self indulgent bastard I have ever met…I like it!"

Wesker's door bell went off. Wesker looked up from his newspaper, staring at the front door. He had no idea who it could be. He glanced over at the Pug, who shrugged her shoulders. Wesker got to his feet, walking to the door and answering it. There before him stood Claire, glaring up at him with arms folded.

"Claire? Can I help you?"

"Yes, you can actually," Claire said. Wesker let her in. Claire glanced around the house for a moment, and then saw the Pug that sat before them. "Aw, you have a Pug?"

"Yeah, she's my bitch," Wesker chuckled.

Ada glared up at him. "I will show you bitch, you bastard!" She leaped forward, biting down hard on his shoe, sounding like a ferocious little beast. She tugged and tore at the shoe with ferocity. Claire and Wesker just stared for a moment.

"Ada, just stop. You aren't doing damage to me; you are doing damage to my favorite pair of shoes. Don't make me get the newspaper."

"Fine," she growled, slinking away. "But you better expect a payback later for that comment!"

"What were you needing, dear heart?" Wesker sighed, turning his attention back to Claire.

"Well, a little bird told me that you and William went out and did some evil things last night. And I mean a bird, literally. He must have been one of Francis Francy's clients as well."

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Wesker answered.

Claire grinned at him. "Sure you do! You know why?"

"Why?"

Claire opened the front door. A white cat with a single black front paw came padding in. He slid to a stop on the hardwood floor and stared up at Wesker with wild green eyes. Claire shut the front door.

"I can't believe this! Annette's going to kill me!" William cried. The white cat was panicking.

"William? So, I guess you weren't as good as you thought you were," Wesker laughed. "You look good as a cat."

"You think so? I was actually thinking that this tail was rather slimming on me!"

"Well, I guess you will have your hands full returning the favor to him," Claire stated.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you are going to help William do his three good deeds to turn back. And I am going to watch you and make sure."

"And if I refuse?" Wesker chuckled, glaring down at her.

Claire returned the glare, also smirking. "Well, then I guess you will just have to be turned into a cat again…or an ostrich!"

Wesker heaved a sigh. "Fine."

"Ada?" William grunted.

"Will?"

"You are a Pug! How cute!"

"You are a cat! Which means I am not alone! Yay!"

"Wait a minute. Ada, did you ever lose that Leon guy?" Wesker asked.

One of the windows exploded. Leon came jumping in, doing a James Bond roll and getting to his feet. He looked all around, and then got confused. "I could have sworn I heard Ada's name and heard her voice!"

The Pug's eyes widened. She remained completely silent.

"Leon, you could have used the door," Claire sighed.

"Ada, wait!" Leon cried, bolting out the front door and disappearing.

"That was close!" Ada exclaimed.

"I hope he is paying for my window," Wesker growled. He then turned to Claire. "Which reminds me, dear heart. You owe me a new car."

"Uh-oh…well, um, I don't have any money or insurance. Is there any other way I can repay you?"

Wesker grinned darkly. "There are some ways."

"You know, we could just call it even. I mean, I did do most of the work helping you with your deeds. You would still be a cat without me!" Claire retorted.

Wesker gave an annoyed sigh, his shoulders slumping slightly. "Fine. You do make a valid point. Damn it."

"Nice try, though."

"Can we please get back to me?" William cried.

"And me!" Ada barked.

"This is going to be fun," Claire stated dully.

"Hardly," Wesker snorted.

**The End**

* * *

**A/N: YAY! This is it! I finally uploaded the Epilogue to Bad Kitty! Which means this story is now finished! I am both sad and happy about this! I had so much fun writing it, and I am glad that everyone else has enjoyed it too! It seems Wesker and Claire have their hands full helping poor William and Ada with their good deeds, lol! XD But that is a story for another time! I want to thank everyone who has reviewed this story and followed it from beginning to end! Thank you, thank you, thank you! *Bows* **


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